Silence is the best answer if you are misunderstood, ignored, avoided, ditched, hurt by anyone. If you go silent, that doesn’t mean you are wrong. Sometimes it means you are strong. Sometimes it means you have the ability to understand and adjust with anyone at any situation. Sometimes it means you are maintaining your self respect and dignity. Sometimes it means you are deeply hurt. Sometimes it means you are disheartened. Sometimes it means you are highly disappointed and fed up with what you got from life. Sometimes it means you are done fighting for your rights. Sometimes it means you are better alone than having people around who do not have the heart to understand you, who don’t give you respect and hurt you.
Silence is a “FREEDOM” for those who are not understood. It’s better to be silent when you are misunderstood always. When your feelings are not accepted and understood by people, silence is the best in a long run. If people have the heart to understand, they will, even if you don’t express.
Not everyone who goes silent is doing so to punish or hurt someone else. Not everyone is using silence as a tool of manipulation or power or control. Sometimes silence is the final frontier and the end of a long journey to communicate, be heard, resolve things and create change. Sometimes silence means that we have accepted the limitation of our 50% of the 100% required to keep a relationship afloat and healthy. Sometimes it means we are opting for safety. Sometimes it means that we are practicing self-care. Sometime it means we are waving the white flag of truce and opting to give up.
If we have been banging our heads on firmly locked communication doors; if we have been tripping over unspoken spoken messages; if we have clearly explained our feelings and set boundaries about how we’d like to communicate only to find the boundaries are consistently undermined or ignored and we find communication never really progresses, we may find silence is our friend.
Sometimes after we have done that for however long it takes, we give up. We may still work on ourselves, our health and our healing, but we stop expecting it will create relationship change. We stop trying to manage the relationship and the other person, realizing it has become an exercise in futility. We get tired of playing the bad, or being the problem person. We get tired of forcing issues and communication. We seek distance, we talk less. Eventually we shut down and up.
This doesn’t mean we don’t love or care. It doesn’t mean we are terrible communicators. It doesn’t mean it’s our “fault”. It means we’ve tapped out. We’ve done what we can, we’ve tried everything in our communication book and it just isn’t working.
Communication is a two way street. It requires two actively engaged people to do it. One person can try to carry the burden of communication for two, but eventually even the most persistent of us will give up. We have the choice to see this as “failure” or we can come to the place where we celebrate our increased capacity to discern where our energy is best spent, and who it is best spent with. It’s not our job to babysit other people. It’s not our job to carry the weight of communication or change on our own. We can expect more for ourselves. We are worth it.
Sometimes silence looks an awful lot like freedom.