Tag Archives: Afraid

Sometimes what …

Sometimes what you’re most afraid of doing is the very thing that will set you free.

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10 Practical Ways To Handle Stress

Stress is inevitable. It walks in and out of our lives on a regular basis. And it can easily walk all over us unless we take action. Fortunately, there are many things you can do to minimize and cope with stress. Here are 10 ideas for handling stress without causing more strain and hassle.

1. Figure out where the stress is coming from.

Oftentimes, when we’re stressed, it seems like a big mess with stressors appearing from every angle. We start to feel like we’re playing a game of dodgeball, ducking and darting so we don’t get smacked by a barrage of balls. We take a defensive position, and not a good one at that.

Instead of feeling like you’re flailing day to day, identify what you’re actually stressed about. Is it a specific project at work, an upcoming exam, a dispute with your boss, a heap of laundry, a fight with your family?

By getting specific and pinpointing the stressors in your life, you’re one step closer to getting organized and taking action.

2. Consider what you can control—and work on that.

While you can’t control what your boss does, what your in-laws say or the sour state of the economy, you can control how you react, how you accomplish work, how you spend your time and what you spend your money on.

The worst thing for stress is trying to take control over uncontrollable things. Because when you inevitably fail — since it’s beyond your control — you only get more stressed out and feel helpless. So after you’ve thought through what’s stressing you out, identify the stressors that you can control, and determine the best ways to take action.

Take the example of a work project. If the scope is stressing you out, talk it over with your supervisor or break the project down into step-wise tasks and deadlines.

Stress can be paralyzing. Doing what’s within your power moves you forward and is empowering and invigorating.

3. Do what you love.

It’s so much easier to manage pockets of stress when the rest of your life is filled with activities you love. Even if your job is stress central, you can find one hobby or two that enrich your world. What are you passionate about? If you’re not sure, experiment with a variety of activities to find something that’s especially meaningful and fulfilling.

4. Manage your time well.

One of the biggest stressors for many people is the lack of time. Their to-do list expands while time flies. How often have you wished for more hours in the day or heard others lament their lack of time? But you’ve got more time than you think, as Laura Vanderkam writes in her aptly titled book, 168 Hours: You Have More Time Than You Think.

We all have the same 168 hours, and yet there are plenty of people who are dedicated parents and full-time employees and who get at least seven hours of sleep a night and lead fulfilling lives.

5. Create a toolbox of techniques.

One stress-shrinking strategy won’t work for all your problems. For instance, while deep breathing is helpful when you’re stuck in traffic or hanging at home, it might not rescue you during a business meeting.

Because stress is complex, “What we need is a toolbox that’s full of techniques that we can fit and choose for the stressor in the present moment,” said Richard Blonna, Ed.D, a nationally certified coach and counselor and author of Stress Less, Live More: How Acceptance & Commitment Therapy Can Help You Live a Busy Yet Balanced Life.

6. Pick off the negotiable tasks from your plate.

Review your daily and weekly activities to see what you can pick off your plate. As Vanderkam asks in her book: “Do your kids really love their extracurricular activities or are they doing them to please you? Are you volunteering for too many causes and so stealing time from the ones where you could make the most impact? Does your whole department really need to meet once per week or have that daily conference call?”

Blonna suggested asking these questions: “Do [my activities] mesh with my goals and values? Am I doing things that give my life meaning? Am I doing the right amount of things?”

Reducing your stack of negotiable tasks can greatly reduce your stress.

7. Are you leaving yourself extra vulnerable to stress?

Whether you perceive something as a stressor depends in part on your current state of mind and body. That is, as Blonna said, “Each transaction we’re involved in takes place in a very specific context that’s affected by our health, sleep, psychoactive substances, whether we’ve had breakfast [that day] and [whether we’re] physically fit.”

So if you’re not getting sufficient sleep or physical activity during the week, you may be leaving yourself extra susceptible to stress. When you’re sleep-deprived, sedentary and filled to the brim with coffee, even the smallest stressors can have a huge impact.

8. Preserve good boundaries.

If you’re a people-pleaser, saying no feels like you’re abandoning someone, have become a terrible person or are throwing all civility out the window. But of course, that couldn’t be further from the truth. Plus, those few seconds of discomfort are well worth avoiding the stress of taking on an extra activity or doing something that doesn’t contribute value to your life.

One thing I’ve noticed about productive, happy people is that they’re very protective of their time and having their boundaries crossed. But not to worry: Building boundaries is a skill you can learn.

9. Realize there’s a difference between worrying and caring.

Sometimes, our mindset can boost stress, so a small issue mushroom into a pile of problems. We continue worrying, somehow thinking that this is a productive — or at least inevitable — response to stress. But we mistake worry for action.

Clinical psychologist Chad LeJeune, Ph.D., talks about the idea of worrying versus caring in his book, The Worry Trap: How to Free Yourself from Worry & Anxiety Using Acceptance & Commitment Therapy. Worrying is an attempt to exert control over the future by thinking about it, whereas caring is taking action. When we are caring for someone or something, we do the things that support or advance the best interests of the person or thing that we care about.

LeJeune uses the simple example of houseplants. He writes: “If you are away from home for a week, you can worry about your houseplants every single day and still return home to find them brown and wilted. Worrying is not watering.”

Similarly, fretting about your finances does nothing but get you worked up (and likely prevent you from taking action). Caring about your finances, however, means creating a budget, paying bills on time, using coupons and reducing how often you dine out.

Just this small shift in mindset from worrying to caring can help you adjust your reaction to stress. To see this distinction between worrying and caring, try this activity where you can list responses for each one. For example:

Worrying about your health involves…

Caring about your health involves…

Worrying about your career involves…

Caring about your career involves…

10. Embrace mistakes—or at least don’t drown in perfectionism.

Another mindset that can exacerbate stress is perfectionism. Trying to be mistake-free and essentially spending your days walking on eggshells is exhausting and anxiety-provoking. Talk about putting pressure on yourself! And as we all know but tend to forget: Perfectionism is impossible and not human, anyway.

As the researcher, Brene Brown writes in her book The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are, “Perfectionism is not the same thing as striving to be your best. Perfectionism is not about healthy achievement and growth and it’s not self-improvement.”

Nothing good can come from perfectionism. Brown writes: “Research shows that perfectionism hampers success. In fact, it’s often the path to depression, anxiety, addiction and life-paralysis [‘all the opportunities we miss because we’re too afraid to put anything out in the world that could be imperfect’].”

Plus, mistake-mistaking can lead to growth. To overcome perfectionism, Brown suggests becoming more compassionate toward yourself. I couldn’t agree more.

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Dealing With Disappointment

Most of us will come up against disappointments, both big and small, as we journey through life. Often we choose to complain to anyone who will listen, or to blame others when things don’t go our way.

It’s important to acknowledge our disappointments and not just shove them under the table, and to maybe examine why we had certain expectations.

I firmly believe that our feelings are our own responsibility and that no-one else can make us feel good or bad. It is our reaction to other people and situations that determines how we ultimately feel. But how can we learn to deal with disappointment in an effective and constructive manner?

Coping with Disappointment :

The first thing you need to do in learning to deal with disappointment is recognize your coping mechanisms. Everybody has their own way of dealing with events and situations – their self-medicating strategies. For example do you reach for food, (chocolate, ice-cream, cake); alcohol, (get drunk and try to forget); take yourself off somewhere to hide, (under the duvet), or indulge in a spot of retail therapy, (credit card blow out)?

These strategies may make you feel better temporarily but rarely get to the root of the problem and often will bring new issues to give you grief, such as being overweight, in debt, or lonely. And then the cycle will start again.

So how about breaking that cycle and developing some new strategies?

5 tips for effectively dealing with disappointment:

1. Acknowledge what you’re feeling. You can honestly express the emotions you’re feeling without blaming or punishing others. This is about how you feel about the situation, not other people. Articulate your feelings without attacking others. Always be respectful, but don’t be afraid to let them know how you feel.

• There isn’t a right or wrong way to feel.

Your feelings are valid and if you don’t voice your opinion then you’ll harbour resentment and stress yourself out. Be honest with yourself about how you really feel about the situation. If you don’t have another individual to talk to, then journal your feelings. In some way or another get them out and expressed.

2. Put things in perspective. Even small disappointments can seem monumental at first, especially if we have built up our expectations. But once you’ve expressed your hurt, frustration, or anger, take a step back and look at the bigger picture. How much of an effect is this disappointment going to have on you tomorrow, next week, or next year?

• Take a deep breath, go for a walk, or go do something different for a few minutes and try to put your disappointment into perspective.

Taking time to reflect and step away from the situation will help calm your thoughts and emotions so you’ll be better able to handle the disappointment.

3. Refuse to doubt yourself. Sometimes disappointment can make you feel like a failure. You may wonder why these things happen to you or you may think you were stupid to get your hopes up in the first place. But none of that is the truth. Don’t allow yourself to give in to these negative thoughts!

• Disappointment is not unique to you.

Everyone has been disappointed at some time in their life. Instead of putting yourself down, think about what could have been done differently and learn from the experience.

4. Look for a solution or compromise. Things may not always turn out as you hope, but often there is another option or a different way of looking at things.

• Take a few deep breaths, relax, and look for the silver lining.

It’s possible to find something positive in almost every situation.

5. Re-evaluate and make changes if necessary. Sometimes when we experience disappointments, it may be a sign that we need to re-examine our priorities or expectations. Depending on the degree of disappointment you’re facing, you may need to make minor or major changes to your life.

• Learn to be flexible.

Refocusing your attention on your new goals and on what is really important to you will help you manage or avoid future disappointments.

Above all, don’t become discouraged and don’t give up.

All successful people have had to learn to deal with setbacks and disappointments somewhere along their journey. However rather than giving up, they learn from their failures and disappointments; and go on to achieve their goals.

You must not allow disappointment to lower your self-confidence. That’s not to say that you need to gloss over your feelings, but learning how to deal with your disappointments effectively will allow you to learn and grow, and then you will be better placed to move on to bigger and better things.

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Tips To Handle Arrogant People.

  • Generally, arrogant people won’t listen to what you have to say, so sometimes you just need to smile and nod, comfortable in being the more secure person.
  • Don’t be afraid to carefully put your foot down with the person in regards to actions that you will not tolerate or approve of. Be blunt about calling out their actions so they know what’s wrong and what’s right.
  • When someone is just driving you crazy with their arrogance, you might ask them, very politely, “May I ask how you became such an expert on this subject? Did you study? Did you learn this from having a bad experience? Is there anything you know nothing about that I might be able to help you with?”
  • Politely tell them what they are doing.
WARNINGS:

  • Try not to get into any type of debate with them, because they’ll never hear your side of the story and if they do, they will continually tell you you’re wrong. Often times, arrogant people will try to make you feel insecure and at fault. He/she will do this in an attempt to demonstrate control over the situation. If this happens to you, do not get mad at all, that’s what they want from you. Instead consciously understand their belittling actions and see their intended conclusion from their perspective. Act wise and in control, but don’t escalate the situation by responding in an angry or hostile manner.
  • Ignoring an arrogant person may be effective in getting them to leave you alone but recognize that arrogant people have a way of taking up the air in a room. So even though they’re not talking to you, you may still find them annoying to be around.

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How To Cope With Arrogant People?

Arrogant people seem to think that they know everything and they can really get on your nerves. This is an approach to coping with them.

– Assess the situation. Why do you feel that a person is being arrogant? Have they been condescending to you or have they never spoken to you? If there has not been an incident that showed you this person feels superior to you, don’t assume he or she is arrogant too quickly. You might wrong him or her.

– Listen to their conversation. Is it always about them? Do they get mad or irritated if the center of attention moves to someone else?

– Know that arrogant people are really quite insecure. They seek to dominate and control because they are afraid of being dominated and controlled.

– Enter an encounter with an arrogant person with the strong and confident realization that you are well and strong. There is nothing they can say or do that can undermine you. Your sense of confidence and self-worth will prohibit you from being vulnerable to an arrogant person’s total inability to relate to others and the sometimes noxious or cruel things that come out of their mouths.

– Try to ignore the arrogance of the person you encounter. Instead, probe for something you can enjoy about your encounter. Perhaps they do have some knowledge to impart. Perhaps they can tell an interesting story. Perhaps it’s just enjoyable to find humor in their arrogance.

– Find humor in their arrogance. This is a big one. Often, the arrogant are too self centered to realize that others are making fun of them. Pretend that you don’t understand simple concepts, and watch them swoop in and try to prove their superiority.

– Use the encounter as an opportunity to improve your listening skills or tolerance.

– Try to ignore anything that they say or how they act, and they will probably stop bothering you eventually.

– Be honest. If this isn’t working and the arrogant person is still getting on your nerves, tell them that you think they are being arrogant and really tell them how you feel. Don’t shout or swear or insult them more than is necessary, because then you will just look evil.

– If possible, ignore the arrogant person completely (not just their behavior).
If you must acknowledge them, generally speaking, in a group setting you can get away with addressing the group as a whole rather than speaking to the arrogant person specifically: For example, instead of saying, “Hi there, Wendy,” say, “Hi there, everyone.” Also, don’t ask, “How are you?” as this might evoke a rude response.

– If you work with a consistently rude and arrogant person, whenever you see them coming, suddenly be incredibly busy. Pick up the phone and pretend to be having a conversation. If they are specifically wanting your attention, keep them waiting for as long as you can get away with it. Have a column of figures handy to be added up three times over. When you finally do acknowledge them, do so in a distracted, brisk, impersonal way whilst commencing yet another task. For example, say something like, “Right, what can I do for you,” as you pick up the telephone receiver. This technique often works very successfully because you are, in effect, “putting the arrogant person in their place.” This is the opposite of what they want.

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