Sincere forgiveness isn’t colored with expectations that the other person apologize or change. Don’t worry whether or not they finally understand you. Love them and release them. Life feeds back truth to people in its own way and time, just like it does for you and me.
Hi, everyone! The WordPress blog was unpublished for a week due to some personal reasons, and I apologize for the inconvenience. It is now fixed, and from now on you’ll get to read the articles regularly. Thank you to each and every one of you for following my blog. Keep reading, and feel good again!
Hi, everyone! The articles were not published last week due to some personal reasons, and I apologize for the inconvenience. It is now fixed; from now on you’ll get to read the articles regularly. Thank you to each and every one of you for following my blog. Keep reading, and feel good again!
When the holiday season comes to an end and all the festivities are over, you’re left with a new year. It can be a time to set in place new things to learn and do or it can be a time of consolidation of things you’re already passionately pursuing. Another alternative might be to simply contemplate where you’ve reached in life so far. Whatever your preferred approach to the New Year, it’s nice to start feeling refreshed and focused, ready to get back into things you’re working on or to get started on new things. Here are a few ideas to give you a boost.
1. Put away the holiday decorations in a timely manner. When the holiday festivities are over, the decorations, ornaments, and other festive trappings can be popped back into their boxes and bags. If you leave this too long, it can feel like a chore and can also have the effect of holding you back from moving into the next experiences. Don’t feel like you have to get rid of it all in one day. Remove things little by little, ideally between Christmas and New Year’s.
• Ask family and friends to help tidy away the seasonal decorations to make it easier.
2. Look over your New Year’s Resolution list. (If you haven’t made one, skip this step.) Write the list out on a planner, chart or calendar where you can make notes. In order to get your resolutions underway, it’s probable that you’ll need to do some planning and organizing, and perhaps even some purchasing. It helps your focus to make notes and lists to direct your efforts in starting new habits. For example:
• Is there any gear, equipment, food, clothing, etc. needed to start your new fitness/eating/exercise regime? Or perhaps you need new hobby or craft materials or new sports gear. Write down the needed items so that you can work out whether you already have what’s needed or need to buy, beg, borrow or freecycle it.
• Do you need to book memberships, travel, subscriptions or any other service to aid the resolution? If so, write this down too.
• Write down anything else of relevance, alongside those resolutions.
• In some cases, breaking the goals into short term and long term milestones is necessary to ensure you don’t flag in your willpower. Write down any milestones you think will work for you.
3. Focus on the organization. If you’re already wonderfully organized, skip this step. But many people aren’t and this can inhibit feeling like the New Year is a fresh start.
• Are there piles of papers and books on the desk and floor? Clean them up in short bursts here and there (stealth cleaning!).
• Do you have trouble finding things, from keys to socks? Look for simple solutions, such as hanging up a key holder and setting up a special lost sock basket. One method is about training, the other is about acceptance––for example, you can train yourself to put things away but you can’t account for missing socks until the mate turns up, so have a safe-keeping zone for such items.
• Hate cleaning? You could try to convince yourself its exercise, a moment of Zen or a chance to throw out your mate’s junk but it’s better to find help. Delegate the cleaning jobs to others as much as possible and try to arrange it so that you’re doing what you’re best at. It’s overwhelming to be the person responsible for it all, so stop trying.
• Take decluttering in gradual steps. Perhaps, the first sort through your desk on Monday, organize your closet on Tuesday and Wednesday, go through your bookshelf on Thursday, vacuum on Friday, dust on Saturday, and organize whatever else needs to be organized on Sunday. Once you’ve organized specific high-use areas, you will realize it’s much easier to concentrate and find what you need with a clean room.
4. Relax more. If you’re not in the habit of relaxing, start the New Year with a resolution to add this important activity (or lack of activity) to your life from now on.
• Spend a little time browsing through books and websites devoted to relaxation ideas. What sorts of relaxing opportunities appeal to you? Not everyone agrees that the same things are relaxing––some people find adrenalin-packed activities relaxing while others would rather slump in the hammock with a good book. It’s your choice, just so long as it relaxes you.
• Almost everyone finds spa-style activities relaxing. This might mean a weekly bath by candlelight with big bubbles (and maybe some bubbly), a massage (at home with a loved one or paid for at a spa), yoga, meditation and the like.
• When you get a chance, take a relaxation break on Saturday or some other appropriate free day or afternoon. Get your rest, have some friends over for a spa party if you want, or just be alone. You can give yourself an oil treatment, manicure/pedicure, and whatever else will make you feel good and look good.
5. Clean your work or study space. Going back to work or college/school after the holiday break can leave you feeling a little out of sorts. Tidying up your desk, locker, backpack, or whatever else you have where stuff accumulates can help you to feel refreshed for the New Year. Throw out last year’s junk, file away important information where it belongs and give everything a good dust or wipe down. Refill anything that you’re running out of and if you can, place a pretty plant or photo on your desk to cheer yourself up.
• For backpacks, satchels, handbags, laptop carriers and other bags: Don’t carry around unnecessary items! Things you don’t need in the bag are clutter that increases the bulk and weight and might scratch items like laptops, phones, and valuables.
6. Reflect over the past year. Think about things you’d like to do better this year, new things you’d like to try to people you’d like to make amends with or start over with. Have you achieved the things you wanted to in the past year? What specific things would you like to change or redirect? Asking yourself questions about progress, change and where you want to be right now can help to keep your perspective fresh, giving you new motivation to make this year a more fulfilling one.
• Anything you regret saying? Anyone you wish you could apologize to? If there are people that you owe an apology to, apologize and make things right with them. You don’t want to worry or regret anything when you start the New Year.
• Was this past year so great you don’t want it to be a new year? Great, make a scrapbook or diary entry about how great this year has been. But tell yourself the New Year will be even better. Build on the lessons you’ve learned and keep the good things coming.
• Was this past year such a terrible year for you, that you worry the New Year will be more of the same or even worse? Thinking that way may be a self-fulfilling prophecy. Nobody expects you to fly when your wings feel broken, but it’s important for your own well-being to start finding small ways to mend your dreams. Treat yourself with greater compassion and hang out more with folks who have kind hearts. Focus on making this coming year a much gentler, kinder one. This might include letting go of things that are causing you anxiety––scary at first, but really liberating when you finally do it.
The first to apologize is the bravest. The first to forgive is the strongest. The first to forget is the happiest.
We are all human and have flaws. Even if your physical appearance or social skills aren’t what you wish they were, that doesn’t have to stop you from exuding self-assurance. Here’s how to believe in yourself.
1. Recognize your talents and good qualities.
No matter how down you feel, try to pat yourself on the back a little and remember the things you excel at. Focusing on your better attributes will distract you from perceived flaws and boost your sense of worth. Think of your good qualities in looks, friendships, talents, and most of all, personality. Some of the flaws can look awkward, but be sure to embrace it. If you’re struggling to come up with good qualities, try these tips:
• Think back on compliments from other people. Maybe they’ve remarked on your smile, or your ability to stay cool and collected in stressful situations. Be sure to compliment them back.
• Remember past accomplishments. It can be something other people recognized, like being at the top of your class, or something only you know about, like a quiet act of service to make life easier for someone else. Realize how great this was and consider doing it again, maybe at a higher level.
• Think about the qualities you try to cultivate. No one’s perfect, but if you’re actively trying to be an honorable, good person, give yourself some credit for effort. The fact that you think about bettering yourself at all says that you’re humble and good-hearted, and those are positive attributes.
• Make a list. Write down everything you can think of, and refer back to it next time you’re feeling down. Add to it as you remember more things you can take pride in doing.
2. Remember that everyone struggles with confidence. Some people are good at hiding it, but nearly every person has struggled with his or her self-confidence at one point. You’re not alone.
• Try not to feel like all eyes are on you, all the time. Most people are probably too preoccupied with how they appear to be constantly judging you. Breathe a sigh of relief and recognize that you don’t have to be perfect all the time.
• Build your confidence by helping others. Take time to pay someone else a compliment, or do an unannounced good deed. You’ll brighten their day, and you’ll feel better about yourself.
• Stop comparing yourself with everyone else. Not everything is a competition, and viewing life that way will wear you out. You don’t have to be smartest, prettiest, most popular person in order to be happy. If you have a strong competitive streak that you can’t completely ignore, try competing with yourself instead and strive to keep getting better.
3. Accept compliments gracefully.
Don’t just roll your eyes and shrug it off — own it! Make eye contact, smile, and say “thank you.” Being nice about it when someone else wants to compliment you doesn’t compromise your humility; it shows that you’re polite and have a secure sense of self-worth.
Pay a compliment in return. If you’re still uncomfortable taking compliments, try giving one back after you’ve accepted. This can help you feel like the score is “even” and you haven’t been too prideful.
4. Don’t over-apologize.
Being able to say you’re sorry is a good trait (and something too many people struggle with). However, be careful to say it only when necessary. Apologizing when you’ve slighted or inconvenienced someone is polite. Apologizing when you haven’t done anything wrong, though, can make you feel subordinate and like you should be sorry. Before it slips out of your mouth, take a second to make sure this is a situation that actually needs an apology from you.
Use workarounds. You can express your sympathy or regret without actually apologizing. For instance, if you’re worried about inconveniencing someone, you could say “I hope this hasn’t been too much trouble” instead of automatically reverting to “I’m sorry.”
5. Look the part. Or, as the saying goes, “fake it ’til you make it.”
If you know that you look like a confident, capable person, eventually you’ll start to feel it, too. Try these tricks:
• Take care of yourself. Devote a little time each day to personal hygiene and making sure you’re presenting yourself well. Shower daily, brush and floss your teeth, and groom your skin and hair.
• Dress for confidence. You don’t have to buy a whole new wardrobe to feel better in your clothes. Instead, simply try to wear something clean every day. Take it a step further by doing laundry often enough that you feel like you have a choice about what to wear in the morning, instead of settling for whatever isn’t dirty.
• Perfect your posture. How you carry yourself communicates a lot to other people, so make sure you’re telling them that you’re confident and in-charge. Keep your shoulders back, your spine straight, and your chin high. Walk with purpose instead of dragging your feet, and sit up straight.
• Smile and make eye contact. It’s a subtle change, but it can work wonders on how other people perceive you. Don’t be afraid to meet the gaze of someone else, and keep your grin in easy reach — both of these things can disarm most social situations and make everyone feel more comfortable.
6. Embrace your interests.
If there’s a sport or hobby you’ve always wanted to be good at, now’s the time! Improving your skills will reinforce that you are talented, and subsequently boost your confidence. Learn a musical instrument or a foreign language, take up an art-form like painting, start building projects — whatever it is that catches your interest.
• Don’t get discouraged if you’re not immediately awesome. Remember that learning is a process, and you’re in it for the small victories and the relaxing recreation time, not to be the best ever.
• Take up a hobby you can do with a group. Finding like-minded people who share your interests can be an easy way to make friends and build confidence. Look around your community for groups you can join, or find kinship with fellow hobbyists online.
7. See confidence as a process, not a singular achievement.
Having confidence isn’t a finish line you cross once, and the process won’t always move forward — there will be days when you feel like you’re starting from square one. Take a deep breath, remember the self-confidence hurdles you’ve already cleared, and resolve to keep going.