Tag Archives: Confused

Forgiveness: Letting Go Of Grudges And Bitterness

When someone you care about hurts you, you can hold on to anger, resentment and thoughts of revenge — or embrace forgiveness and move forward.

Nearly everyone has been hurt by the actions or words of another. Perhaps your mother criticized your parenting skills, your colleague sabotaged a project or your partner had an affair. These wounds can leave you with lasting feelings of anger, bitterness or even vengeance — but if you don’t practice forgiveness, you might be the one who pays most dearly. By embracing forgiveness, you can also embrace peace, hope, gratitude and joy. Consider how forgiveness can lead you down the path of physical, emotional and spiritual well-being.

What is forgiveness?

Generally, forgiveness is a decision to let go of resentment and thoughts of revenge. The act that hurt or offended you might always remain a part of your life, but forgiveness can lessen its grip on you and help you focus on other, positive parts of your life. Forgiveness can even lead to feelings of understanding, empathy and compassion for the one who hurt you.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean that you deny the other person’s responsibility for hurting you, and it doesn’t minimize or justify the wrong. You can forgive the person without excusing the act. Forgiveness brings a kind of peace that helps you go on with life.

What are the benefits of forgiving someone?

Letting go of grudges and bitterness can make way for compassion, kindness and peace. Forgiveness can lead to:

• Healthier relationships
• Greater spiritual and psychological well-being
• Less anxiety, stress, and hostility
• Lower blood pressure
• Fewer symptoms of depression
• Lower risk of alcohol and substance abuse

Why is it so easy to hold a grudge?

When you’re hurt by someone you love and trust, you might become angry, sad or confused. If you dwell on hurtful events or situations, grudges filled with resentment, vengeance and hostility can take root. If you allow negative feelings to crowd out positive feelings, you might find yourself swallowed up by your own bitterness or sense of injustice.

What are the effects of holding a grudge?

If you’re unforgiving, you might pay the price repeatedly by bringing anger and bitterness into every relationship and new experience. Your life might become so wrapped up in the wrong that you can’t enjoy the present. You might become depressed or anxious. You might feel that your life lacks meaning or purpose, or that you’re at odds with your spiritual beliefs. You might lose valuable and enriching connectedness with others.

How do I reach a state of forgiveness?

Forgiveness is a commitment to a process of change. To begin, you might:

• Consider the value of forgiveness and its importance in your life at a given time
• Reflect on the facts of the situation, how you’ve reacted, and how this combination has affected your life, health and well-being
• When you’re ready, actively choose to forgive the person who’s offended you
• Move away from your role as victim and release the control and power the offending person and situation have had in your life

As you let go of grudges, you’ll no longer define your life by how you’ve been hurt. You might even find compassion and understanding.

What if I have to interact with the person who hurt me but I don’t want to?

If you haven’t reached a state of forgiveness, being near the person who hurts you might be tense and stressful. To handle these situations, remember that you can choose to attend or avoid specific functions and gatherings. Respect yourself and do what seems best. If you choose to attend, don’t be surprised by a certain amount of awkwardness and perhaps even more intense feelings. Do your best to keep an open heart and mind. You might find that the experience helps you to move forward with forgiveness.

What if the person I’m forgiving doesn’t change?

Getting another person to change his or her actions, behavior or words isn’t the point of forgiveness. Think of forgiveness more about how it can change your life — by bringing you peace, happiness, and emotional and spiritual healing. Forgiveness can take away the power the other person continues to wield in your life.

What if I’m the one who needs forgiveness?

The first step is to honestly assess and acknowledge the wrongs you’ve done and how those wrongs have affected others. At the same time, avoid judging yourself too harshly. You’re human, and you’ll make mistakes. If you’re truly sorry for something you’ve said or done, consider admitting it to those you’ve harmed. Speak of your sincere sorrow or regret, and specifically, ask for forgiveness — without making excuses. Remember, however, you can’t force someone to forgive you. Others need to move to forgiveness in their own time. Whatever the outcome, commit to treating others with compassion, empathy and respect.

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How To Find Happiness Within Yourself: A Rough Guide

The quest of finding happiness is possibly the only goal shared among all human beings – past, present or future. Who doesn’t want to find happiness in his or her life? It’s a silent goal nonetheless. We don’t mutter much about it and most of the time it lurks in the deep inner workings of our minds. Curious isn’t it?

The odd fact is we spend billions of research dollars & euros into treating mental illnesses with drugs, but not much effort goes into understanding the science of happiness or mental well-being. This fact alone compels me to write about the subject.

The title of this article is in itself revealing – “how to find happiness within yourself” suggests from the outset that you should look for happiness within yourself and that happiness is general to be found within. This is also a very curious thing to me. Why are we always trying to find happiness in all kinds of places but hardly ever attempt to find happiness within?

Harry is 67. He lost his wife to cancer almost three years ago now. He saw his daughter pass through a marriage breakdown and divorce. He hardly gets to see his grandchildren because his daughter moved to another city after her divorce. He misses the fishing trips with his brother Joe who also passed away recently. He is relating less and less to a changing hostile world where he is constantly reminded he is an unwanted burden.

Yet there is one major twist to the story. Harry is happy, radiantly happy. How can this happen? I mean if there are people who have passed through all sorts of heartbreaking episodes and hardships but are happy, what’s their story? Conversely, if there are people (and lots of them) who have acquired all sorts of merit, possessions, and good fortune yet is deeply unhappy, what does this say about finding happiness?

Finding happiness by losing old mental models:

One major flaw in the way we live our lives is that we have learned how to be unhappy rather than how to be happy. We have built certain mental models of our reality and these limit us or lead us astray from finding real happiness. Naturally this leads us to the understanding that finding happiness requires us to unlearn certain things and look for it in different pathways. It requires us to look into flaws in our belief system and change them.

One of these mental models we adopt is the belief that we need to reach a certain goal or outcome to be happy, the so-called ‘if-then model’ (if this happens then I will be happy). For example that we should get a better income, financial freedom, recognition of our work, sexier bodies, satisfying relationships and so on. It’s always something around the corner which needs to happen first before we reach happiness.

I know you have many times got to the realization yourself that it just doesn’t work that way. Once you reach that corner there is always another corner to reach. Happiness is not found in anything outside ourselves. We already have all the material at hand to be happy. It’s a matter of shifting our perspective and beliefs completely.

Some mental models to take note of and debunk:

• Happiness is the pleasure: No. Pleasure is instant gratification – physical or mental. Happiness is knowing that you are where you should be or accepting that you are not and doing your best while you’re there.

• Happiness is comfort or security: We live most of our lives in constant security threats – our jobs, our children out at night, our health, etc. The truth is that security or lack of it is based on perception. Happiness is living well in a very unstable world.

• I don’t deserve happiness: Yeah, says who? Another human quirk – self-inflicted limitation. Happiness is for everyone, wherever you come from, whatever you did and no matter what’s your idea. Happiness is open-source.

• It’s impossible to find happiness in this world: Another example of self-limiting beliefs. Wrong. Happiness is as possible to find as unhappiness.

• People who reached their goals are invariably happy: Again, says who? People who reached their goals are not happy because they reached their goals. On the contrary, some are eternally dissatisfied and keep on seeking, other goals in life – a real source of unhappiness. But yes some people found happiness while reaching those goals since they were living their true purpose and enjoying every moment of it. Their eyes were on the doing and not on the reaching.

Finding Inner Happiness Through Finding Inner Peace

So many stories around us, like that of Harry, seem to point at the overlooked obvious – that you will only find happiness within yourself. Well, that’s very good news since you don’t need to look far away to find happiness – like for example running after expensive, energy-consuming and ultimately unsatisfying goals. It’s there right within you. As scientist Zen Buddhist Jon Kabat-Zinn perfectly immortalized in one of his book titles: “Wherever you go, there you are.”

When life rocks your boat to the point of wrecking it or when the proverbial crap hits the ceiling fan you will reach a y-point which will either make you or break you. So many people like Harry managed to find happiness & inner peace through the most turbulent and upsetting moments of their lives by making use of their internal resources, by finding happiness within rather than in external points of reference.

The key to happiness, or, in other words, that of finding true inner happiness, is by finding your inner peace – that center of calm inner knowing which is the real source of your being rather than those mental projections or models imposed by your social background.

There are many pathways to find your inner peace but before I start sounding too metaphysical I’d reckon that the greatest and shortest path is that of acceptance. Let go of your expectations, inner struggle, and frustrations when things don’t turn out exactly, the way you want them. Acceptance is an extremely powerful tool to finding inner happiness. It shouldn’t be confused with resignation or passiveness.

We often fail to understand the power of acceptance because it comes from the heart, not the mind. Its power, in fact, comes from transcending the resistance and inner currents of the restless mind which are often the source of our anxieties, stress, and inner conflict.

Acceptance is when we drop all, our mental models (like the if-then model), often in a moment of clarity or awareness where we become conscious that there is another life outside this madness, outside this huffing and puffing trying to acquire one goal after the other in the wrong belief that there is an ultimate goal post called happiness somewhere on the finishing line.

Ask yourself – how much of what’s going on in your life do you accept? Are you constantly feeling you should be at some other point in your life? Or do you somehow feel at peace with all aspects of your life and make use of them with all their limitations?

Other pathways to inner peace:

• Compassion: Some people admirably manage to find the time and energy to help other even when they are facing rough seas themselves. Even though this comes out from an act of compassion and selflessness, it is also a doorway to their own inner peace. In fact although it seems quite hard to do in moments when we are down and out, giving attention to others’ needs is a way of getting ‘out of your head’ which, ironic as it sounds, is a fast remedy to unhappiness.

• Seek the support of others: Well, it works both ways too. Helping others is a way to shift your center of attention away from your ailments. However seeking any form of support from others is a way of finding reinforcement and encouragement and is highly recommendable.

• Be grateful to everything around you: Because we so often forget of the little miracles happening around us on a daily basis. We only think about what’s missing instead of counting our blessings. Being thankful to life is not some wishy-washy magical spell that washes away all your troubles. Rather it is an exercise in which you become aware of the positive and meaningful things happening in your life, a real booster.

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How To Confront Friends Who Are Ignoring You?

There may well be occasions in your life when your so-called “friends” abruptly cease to talk to you and pretend that you are no longer there. Finding out the reasons for this can be difficult but if you really want to face them, here are some suggestions for doing so.

1. Evaluate your interactions with your friend(s) and make sure that they are actually ignoring you. You might just be over-analyzing the situation and thinking that they are ignoring you, when really they are going through something else in their life that has affected all of their friendships.

  • Compare how much you and your friend used to interact with how much you’ve been interacting lately. Is it a drastic change?
  • Compare how much you and your friend interact with how much they interact with their other friends and your mutual friends. Are they hanging out with others but still ignoring you?
  • Consider whether your friend has recently gone through a life-changing event (e.g., a family death, depression, etc.) that might negatively affect their ability to maintain friendships. If this is the case, you should give them time and space. If you feel it’s appropriate, you can point out that you understand your friend has just gone through something tragic, but you really miss them in your life and wish that you two could rekindle your friendship. Be kind, and don’t add additional stress to your friend, but do reach out to let them know that you’d like to spend more time with them.
  • Think about your recent previous interactions, and see if any situations come to mind in which you could have offended or hurt your friend. Did you say something behind their back that you knew you shouldn’t? Did you make an insensitive joke or comment? If you have a history of offending this friend, you might be right that they are trying to avoid you, and you should seek amends by initiating an apologetic conversation.

2. Choose a strategy. Is it just a single friend who has started to ignore you, or is it a group of friends? Approach each situation slightly differently:

  • For a single friend: you may like to approach your friend during a quiet time when your friend is not around other people. If this is not possible at school, then try to see them after school. If your friend has started spending time with a new friend, don’t try to interfere while this person is around or they will likely close ranks together. Try to get your friend alone for a talk.
  • For a group of friends: select the weakest. This means to choose the friend you know is most likely to be feeling unhappy about snubbing you and get him or her to spill the beans away from the group. Corner them in the bathroom, in the library or after school. Anywhere, as long as you can be one hundred percent sure that no-one else from the group will see and prevent this friend from talking.

3. Ask them what’s wrong. Don’t cry, wring your hands and beg. Just be straightforward and tell them that you simply want to understand why they appear to no longer want your friendship. Be straightforward and use words such as “I feel”, “I am upset by” and “I am confused about” etc., so as to avoid starting a blame game. Try to give the friend space to talk instead of becoming defensive.

4. Accept that they might or might not tell you. Sometimes a friend outgrows a friend. This can be a horrible lesson to face in life and sadly, some people are not well-socialized enough to be open and honest about changes in their feelings about a friendship. For these people, ignoring you is a way of coping with their own feelings of pain, confusion and inability to be forthright. At this point in time, if they continue to ignore you, it may be time to call it quits and move on.

5. Remember that sometimes they may be ignoring you because you have upset them. This is more likely to happen with a single friend, although if you upset a key member of a group the rest of the group can react to it. If this is the case, you need to go straight for the source. Don’t mess about with the fringes of the group, go to the person you’ve annoyed and sort it out, just the two of you.

6. Try to make new friends and leave your old friends alone for a while. When you aren’t around anymore, they might realize that you are upset at them. If they try to talk to you, don’t be difficult with them. They might have been ignoring you for a good reason.

7. Never get angry with them while talking. If they get extremely aggressive or violent, then walk away and leave them be. Read their body language and their tone to try and find out how they really feel. If they seem stressed do everything you can to convince them to talk through it with you. But be honest with them. Tell them how you feel, and make sure you are clear about how they feel as well. Honesty is always the best policy, at least in the long run.

8. Listen carefully to what they are saying and write down what you think they are feeling.

9. Even if you may be feeling angry, don’t look like you are angry. This shows your friend that you are not trying with them and you don’t care just take deep breaths.

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How To Get A Boy To Stop Teasing You?

1. Know that when a boy teases you, he may like you.

A lot of guys don’t know what to do with their feelings, and simply tease you so you don’t think they like you. You should also realize that if he doesn’t smile after he teases you, he may not like you.

2. Walk away.

When he starts talking to you, just roll your eyes and walk away as if he wasn’t there. This will leave him confused, and he’ll think twice before teasing you again.

3. Don’t talk to him.

If he starts a conversation by teasing you, just ignore him and talk to someone else. It’s okay to talk to him if he starts the conversation in a nice way.

4. Don’t let him embarrass you.

Playful teasing can sometimes lead to embarrassment. Don’t let a simple guy ruin your reputation, just ignore him.

5. Leave him alone.

You don’t need to ask him why he’s doing it. He’ll just ignore that and tease you again. Be aware that as soon as you start tolerating him teasing you, he’ll think it’s okay.

6. Tell him to stop.

Look at him in his face, and tell him firmly to stop teasing you. If he doesn’t stop after you tell him, feel free to tell an adult.

7. You think for a second… Are you being mean to him?

If you are, just leave him alone. He won’t tease you anymore. Although if he asks you for a pen, that means he may like you.

8. Tell him to think what would be his condition if he would have been at your place.

Tips:

– If you don’t talk to him or just ignore whatever he’s doing, he might notice that you aren’t affected by it and will leave you alone.

– After some time, the boy will start leaving you alone.

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“Your attempt m…

“Your attempt may fail, but never fail to make an attempt.”

As I was passing by the elephants, I suddenly stopped, confused by the fact that these huge creatures were being held by only a small rope tied to their front leg.

No chains, no cages. It was obvious that the elephants could, at anytime, break away from the ropes they were tied to but for some reason, they did not. I saw a trainer nearby and asked why these beautiful, magnificent animals just stood there and made no attempt to get away.

“Well,” he said, “When they are very young and much smaller we use the same size rope to tie them and, at that age, it’s enough to hold them. As they grow up, they are conditioned to believe they cannot break away. They believe the rope can still hold them, so they never try to break free.”

I was amazed. These animals could any time break free from their bonds but because they believed they couldn’t, they were stuck right where they were.

Like the elephants, how many of us go through life hanging onto a belief that we cannot do something, simply because we failed at it once before?

Wise say, “Your attempt may fail, but never fail to make an attempt.”

Being Yourself; Knowing Who You Are.

It is quite a simple statement really, to say “Just be yourself” – but when faced with the tough situations in life you ask yourself

• Who am I?

• What does it involve being myself?

• How can I be myself if I really don’t know who I am right now?

• How do I find out who I really am? Who can tell me this?

The answer is YOU. You need to unveil what it is that “fulfills” you. When I say “fulfill” I mean what “completes you” as a person. What truly makes you happy and at peace with life? You were born totally unique and began growing up on the path devoted totally to you.

Then some time, some where we are influenced by the outside world and start becoming or trying to become somebody else. Society pushes us to have “her hair” or “her body” or “their marriage” or car or house or career.

We are bombarded with choices and fail to make decisions based on our best interests. We get confused and off track and suddenly we don’t know where to turn.

Don’t worry. The solutions are in “you”. Take stock of your personality. Write down all the positive things about yourself, about who you are. Note all the negative things that you could probably work on improving (don’t dwell too much on these points at the moment). But where I am headed with this is to acknowledge a few attributes about you that make you – You.

Ask a close friend, relative or colleague to also write down some positive things about you and some negative things that they believe you could change. Are you seeing the same qualities in yourself as how others see you? You don’t really have to do this activity to benefit from it – but just merely thinking about the outcome might give you the starting point for expressing who you truly are.

Identifying your strengths and weaknesses.

Are whether you are honest with yourself?

I say it’s a mental thing. An obsession. A control issue and a very deceiving condition. 

Lies. Lying to yourself, your husband, your mum, your friends. Everybody close to you. But mostly damaging yourself. When you lie to yourself you are breaking the biggest form of trust one can tamper with and that itself will destroy you.

For whatever you are facing right now, I want to assure you it’s okay. You don’t have to be a victim. Just because you’ve lied, or feel the need to lie, it doesn’t mean you are a bad person and should be banished. You simply need to forgive. Think of yourself as a small child looking for approval. All that child wants is some guidance, hope, encouragement, love and acceptance. If you deny a child those things they are going to feel scared. They are going to be frightened of the world and they are going to hold back on striving to be the best they can be because of self doubt. So forgive your mistakes, accept you have done wrong, learn the lesson being taught and move on with encouragement that things will get better.

You are only human, you are allowed to make mistakes. The true spirit comes from allowing these mistakes to act as stepping stones into the pathway of your success. You can leave them behind so long as you continue to keep paving that road ahead of you. With every situation you are faced in life, you can ask yourself “Am I being genuine, real, authentic, sincere and true to myself?”.

Making decisions in your life that choke you with the guilt are not in your best interests. You are only hurting yourself. Until you realize you are a total victim of yourself. You are your own worst enemy. You are abusing yourself in the highest form of abuse. You are sick of being treated this way and the only one who can change this is you. You have to learn to love yourself, appreciate yourself and accept yourself for all that you are. That makes you decide that you didn’t like the person you had become and you had to change.

We all have flaws. We all have battles. We all have room for improvement. Don’t see perfections around you. Not all are perfect. All misbehave in their own time. It takes a while, but accept who you are. Accept your journey as necessary to bring you where you are right now. Sure you have regrets – everybody has, but choose not to dwell on them because they are part of your past.

They are all necessary to bring you to where you are right now. You should look into your future and knowing that whatever obstacles are presented to you now – you have the strength to handle them. You might not get it at first go, you might not follow a direct line, but ultimately you will get there. And you will get there with honesty, optimism and a full heart – because being empty is nobody’s desire.

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How to Cope with Loss and Pain?

When you lose someone, a pet or a dream that has been very precious to you, the grief is intense. Pain, memories, and questions can easily haunt you. You may feel that you’ll never be the same again; never really laugh, never recover, never be whole again. You may feel that life will never be the same because this gaping big hole where that person or being once was will swallow you up and never let you see the happier side of life again.

Have faith in the promise that you will see the sun shine on your life again. It is possible to heal emotionally and to grow stronger mentally, physically and in spirit. You will become a compassionate, feeling, laughing and hopeful human being once again in time. Allowing the pain to flow through and onward is key to your recovery and while it may feel both hard and even disloyal to the memory of that which is now lost, the ultimate loyalty and honoring of what is lost is in remembering well and forging ahead by taking with you the best of your memories to inspire your way forward. Remember well to live well and you honor both yourself and those now passed.

1. Face the loss. 
It can be easy to sedate yourself with distractions such as drugs, alcohol, oversleeping, internet overuse, promiscuity or any other habit that threatens your well being and leaves you vulnerable to addictions and confusion. And while other people around you may help you temporarily to forget your pain, you’ll never truly heal until you confront the loss and what it means to you personally. Ignoring the pain caused by the loss, sedating your feelings so that they cannot be worked through will bring more serious repercussions later, including depression, trauma and addictions. Allow yourself some time to hurt deeply but don’t allow yourself to get stuck there; even as you’re hurting, you also need to start working out how to cope and find resilient pathways through your pain and loss.

2. Share your feelings with others. 
You’re suffering, and it’s okay and it’s healthy to seek out people who will take care of you. If you can’t find a friend, lean on a compassionate stranger. Keeping your feelings bottled up inside carries enormous risk because there will come a point where you can’t even articulate the real feelings to yourself, let alone to anyone else. Even if you feel as if you’re rambling, confused and uncertain, talking to someone you trust is one form of allowing yourself the space to think out loud and to start dumping out some of the pain you’re experiencing. See talk as a sorting action, in that it doesn’t need to be coherent or reasoned, it just needs to be expressive of whatever needs to come up and out of you.

* If you’re worried others listening to you might be confused or upset by what you’re saying, a simple warning up front can alleviate this concern. Just let them know you’re feeling sad/bad/upset/confused, etc., and that some of the words you say aren’t always going to make a lot of sense but that you appreciate having someone listen. A good listener and caring friend or supporter will not mind in the least.

3. Ignore people who say unhelpful things such as “get over it”, “stop being so sensitive”, “I got over it quickly when it happened to me”, etc. 
They are expressing their inability to cope, their frustration or guilt and it has nothing to do with you. They’re not inside your head, so don’t give their throwaway lines any credence. If it becomes evident to you that they just want you to take your pain somewhere else, let them go. You can reconnect with such people when you’re feeling stronger; until then, you don’t need their impatience knocking against you.

4. Let your pain come out. 
Let the tears flow. It is okay to cry even if you’re not the kind of person who shows your feelings. Moreover, realize that there is no right or wrong way to feel pain, to release pain and to keep trying to work through it. What is important is recognizing the pain and trying to work through it; how you do so is entirely up to you and the feelings inside of you. Crying, pummeling the pillow, going for a long run, sitting somewhere special with a view and just contemplating, throwing things out, going for a long drive, screaming at the top of your lungs in a forest or other solitary place, painting or drawing memories, writing poetry, getting angry with your workout equipment, going dancing, and so forth are just some of the ways people find outlets for their pain and they’re all equally valid methods for releasing what is building up inside. Find your best ways to release the pain by listening to your gut feelings and following them.

* Avoid doing anything that might result in harm to yourself or to others. Loss isn’t about inflicting harm or making things worse. Loss is a time for learning how to draw on your inner reserves and learning how to cope better with pain.

5. Shift the focus as often as you can from the sadness, disappointment, anger and broken heart and try instead to remember the good times and the best things.
Focusing on negative aspects to try and increase the intensity and duration of the pain from your loss won’t change what has happened but will make you feel a great deal worse. Ultimately, you need to question to what avail, as making yourself unhappier is a recipe for longer term health problems and risks debilitating you. And be assured that no person or being who has brought you happiness would have ever wanted you to collapse in a heap. Every single time you feel tempted to become even more sad, angry, down or self-pitiful, grab a diary and write down the good things you can remember about the person, pet or dream that has been lost to you. If you’ve lost someone, remember such things as what a person said or did, the small quirky mannerisms to the large generosities, the times that you spent laughing together and the things this person has taught you about life and yourself. If it’s a lost pet, remember the beautiful times you spent together, the happy life you enabled for your pet and the special traits your pet had. And if it’s a lost dream or object of desire, remember the good that came of pursuing or having these things, and be thinking about what you learned that can be applied to better experiences in the future.

6. Distract yourself. 
Too many thoughts going around your head in circles can lead to second guessing, wishing you’d being more this, that or the other or to other unhelpful thought processes. By getting busy and occupying yourself in tasks that require a different focus, you give yourself a break from constantly ruminating over the loss. This also gives you the space to realize that there are good things about your world still and that life does go on, as cliched as that sounds. And while work or studies can provide some relief from the constant thoughts about loss, don’t simply rely on your routine to distract yourself or you risk feeling that there is only work and sorrow and nothing in between. Help reacquaint yourself with happier pursuits by doing something that gives you peace. There are all sorts of possibilities, such as gardening, cooking, fishing, listening to your favorite music, walking, drawing, painting, writing, etc. Choose whatever calms you and gives you a sense of joyful achievement (not something work or studies can always promise).

* There is a lot of therapeutic good to be found in pursuits such as art, cooking and gardening and many people even use these as therapy, such as in the case of art therapy. Anything in which you use both mind and body coordination and in which you’re being both creative and engaged is an important way to help yourself gradually unfurl from the pain inside.
* Perhaps involve yourself with social work. When you involve yourself with other people’s lives, you gain many insights on how to cope better. Consider volunteering as one possibility. If you like children, helping with young children who display lots of spontaneity and laughter may serve to soothe you.

7. Treasure your feelings! Treasure your feelings!
Save things that remind you of your loved one or your lost dream. Just because a person or a pet is gone doesn’t mean you shouldn’t always remember them. It may be comforting to know that even if the person or pet is no longer here, the friendship, love and family/personal ties you have with them still exist. No one will ever be able to take that away from you, and the relationship you have with them will always be a part of you. And if you’ve lost a dream, that doesn’t mean that you have to discard all memories of the journey taken toward it. Some mementos will always be worth keeping to remind you of your own courage, tenacity and ability to envision a better future, and the memories of what you have striven for will continue to exist for you to draw on with new dreams.

8. Find delight in beautiful days. 
When you’ve been experiencing the blues for a time and you’ve been keeping indoors or walking with your head down and not noticing the world around you, embrace the sunnier or fairer days when they happen. Use these days to get outside and spend some time walking, contemplating and simply noticing the life and beautiful things around you. Do this regularly to get back into the swing of the world. Don’t try too hard – just let the warmth of the sun wash over you, the sounds of the world flow through you and the beauty of the trees, architecture, artwork, routines and busy activities remind you that the world is ever present and that there is beauty in it. Listen for bird song and the sounds of people going about their everyday business. Yes, life does go on and you deserve to be a part of it and to eventually rejoin the daily routine.

9. Believe in Future.
Allow time to heal. Time will heal through allowing you to remember the good things and to start honoring the lost through a renewed determination to enjoy your life more fully. You won’t ever forget those you’ve loved. Nor will you misplace the inner strength that drove you to seek lost goals or achievements. What may change is how you approach your life from this point – there may be a sharpened focus, a new sense of value or a totally changed perspective about certain aspects of your life. All of that is good because it’s part of your growth and part of you learning how loss can be turned into a way of redirecting your life’s path, reminding you that life is precious and that you’re responsible for making the most of your time here.

* Sometimes you can get stuck in a bind of wanting to ensure that you’re grieving properly, and as such you might find yourself extending grieving past when you’re ready to move on. There is no right or wrong time length for grieving; for every person it is very different and healing has its own personal pace, including ups and downs during the grieving time. Expect to be gentle on yourself at any time but don’t draw deadlines on grieving or postpone your happiness either; listen to your feelings and do what feels right inside.

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