Tag Archives: Convince

How To Confront Friends Who Are Ignoring You?

There may well be occasions in your life when your so-called “friends” abruptly cease to talk to you and pretend that you are no longer there. Finding out the reasons for this can be difficult but if you really want to face them, here are some suggestions for doing so.

1. Evaluate your interactions with your friend(s) and make sure that they are actually ignoring you. You might just be over-analyzing the situation and thinking that they are ignoring you, when really they are going through something else in their life that has affected all of their friendships.

  • Compare how much you and your friend used to interact with how much you’ve been interacting lately. Is it a drastic change?
  • Compare how much you and your friend interact with how much they interact with their other friends and your mutual friends. Are they hanging out with others but still ignoring you?
  • Consider whether your friend has recently gone through a life-changing event (e.g., a family death, depression, etc.) that might negatively affect their ability to maintain friendships. If this is the case, you should give them time and space. If you feel it’s appropriate, you can point out that you understand your friend has just gone through something tragic, but you really miss them in your life and wish that you two could rekindle your friendship. Be kind, and don’t add additional stress to your friend, but do reach out to let them know that you’d like to spend more time with them.
  • Think about your recent previous interactions, and see if any situations come to mind in which you could have offended or hurt your friend. Did you say something behind their back that you knew you shouldn’t? Did you make an insensitive joke or comment? If you have a history of offending this friend, you might be right that they are trying to avoid you, and you should seek amends by initiating an apologetic conversation.

2. Choose a strategy. Is it just a single friend who has started to ignore you, or is it a group of friends? Approach each situation slightly differently:

  • For a single friend: you may like to approach your friend during a quiet time when your friend is not around other people. If this is not possible at school, then try to see them after school. If your friend has started spending time with a new friend, don’t try to interfere while this person is around or they will likely close ranks together. Try to get your friend alone for a talk.
  • For a group of friends: select the weakest. This means to choose the friend you know is most likely to be feeling unhappy about snubbing you and get him or her to spill the beans away from the group. Corner them in the bathroom, in the library or after school. Anywhere, as long as you can be one hundred percent sure that no-one else from the group will see and prevent this friend from talking.

3. Ask them what’s wrong. Don’t cry, wring your hands and beg. Just be straightforward and tell them that you simply want to understand why they appear to no longer want your friendship. Be straightforward and use words such as “I feel”, “I am upset by” and “I am confused about” etc., so as to avoid starting a blame game. Try to give the friend space to talk instead of becoming defensive.

4. Accept that they might or might not tell you. Sometimes a friend outgrows a friend. This can be a horrible lesson to face in life and sadly, some people are not well-socialized enough to be open and honest about changes in their feelings about a friendship. For these people, ignoring you is a way of coping with their own feelings of pain, confusion and inability to be forthright. At this point in time, if they continue to ignore you, it may be time to call it quits and move on.

5. Remember that sometimes they may be ignoring you because you have upset them. This is more likely to happen with a single friend, although if you upset a key member of a group the rest of the group can react to it. If this is the case, you need to go straight for the source. Don’t mess about with the fringes of the group, go to the person you’ve annoyed and sort it out, just the two of you.

6. Try to make new friends and leave your old friends alone for a while. When you aren’t around anymore, they might realize that you are upset at them. If they try to talk to you, don’t be difficult with them. They might have been ignoring you for a good reason.

7. Never get angry with them while talking. If they get extremely aggressive or violent, then walk away and leave them be. Read their body language and their tone to try and find out how they really feel. If they seem stressed do everything you can to convince them to talk through it with you. But be honest with them. Tell them how you feel, and make sure you are clear about how they feel as well. Honesty is always the best policy, at least in the long run.

8. Listen carefully to what they are saying and write down what you think they are feeling.

9. Even if you may be feeling angry, don’t look like you are angry. This shows your friend that you are not trying with them and you don’t care just take deep breaths.

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Are You Letting Your Disappointments Destroy You?

How do you normally deal with your disappointments? Do you block them out of your life? Do you sleep them off and hope that you will feel better when you wake up? Do you tap into them as a source of energy for your future goals?

Avoid Dealing With Disappointments In Destructive Manners.

Many people are caught like fish out of water when they are faced with disappointment. Because they are not taught on how to deal with it, they end up adopting various destructive approaches instead.

1. Avoidance by numbing yourself with other activities.

Some people try to drown out or tune out of their disappointment by engaging in anything that takes their mind off the subject. They may take part in activities such as partying, hanging out, sleeping. They push themselves into going through the motions of daily life so they can just operate in auto-pilot mode without thinking. Some turn to addictions such as retail therapy, playing games, emotional eating, sex or even stimulants such as alcohol and drugs. These people seek solace in whatever that is within their radius, in their effort to avoid being alone with their disappointment. Rebound relationships are commonly formed for this reason, where the person tries to get over the previous relationship without having to deal with it directly.

While these give a temporal uplift in the short-run, they do not resolve the issue. Soon after, they face another situation which leads to disappointment again. Instead of properly resolving the problem, their immediate reaction is to turn to the same set of activities and actions to drown out the emotions. This eventually continues in a downward spiral.

2. Denying your goals and dreams.

In the longer term, some block out their dreams and goals in life, pretending they don’t exist. They develop dual personality halves – on the outside, they erect a wall which serves as a form of defense mechanism; on the inside, they hide their real self and desires underneath. They condition themselves into not setting any expectations, since disappointment will not occur where there are no expectations.

For example, people who have been scarred by negative relationships tend to develop barriers to love. On the outside, they appear aloof and cool; however on the inside they long to find their special someone. Because they fear getting hurt, they deny their desire for relationships and refuse to let people into their lives. At some point in the future, this denial catches up with them and it creates a backlash. Have you ever met such people before? They look like they don’t care, but you know on the inside, they really do care. As they block out their desires, they in turn make themselves more miserable in the long-run instead.

3. Giving up on your goals and dreams.

There is another group of people who give up on their goals and dreams. While they still long for their goals, these people resign to a fate where they will never reach them. They become depressed and self-depreciative, devaluing their own self worth and thinking they are not meant to achieve anything. They spend more effort everyday trying to convince themselves and people around them that they will never ever achieve their goals, as opposed to acting on them.

What Happens When You Deal With Disappointments Destructively?

If you have ever dealt with disappointments in the above manner, you are not properly dealing with them.

One of the reasons disappointment is good is because it represents passion for a cause. The higher your disappointment, it means the stronger your passion is.

Whenever you try to drown out your disappointment, deny your goals and dreams or even give up on them, you are really just rejecting who you are on the inside. You are denying your desires, your wants, your goals, your dreams, your visions, your real self – everything. These desires originated from somewhere inside of you, for a reason – and that reason is not for them to be denied. To quote Esther and Jerry Hicks from the book Ask And It Is Given, “If you have the ability to imagine it, or even to think about it, this Universe has the ability and the resources to deliver it fully unto you.”

When you try to deny your real desires, you are just hollowing yourself from inside out. You can try to pretend everything is fine and lead your everyday life, but you cannot fool your subconsciousness. Everyday, living feels like an empty act. Over time, you will find yourself sinking from a state of disappointment and dissatisfaction to a state of apathy. You start living everyday in a lifeless, zombie-like manner, with no passion or zest. You feel like you are just swiveled up on the inside; everything through your lens just seems barren and empty.

The good news is, it doesn’t have to be this way at all. You are not alone in your disappointment. Everyone has faced disappointment at some point – your friends, family, teachers, managers, co-workers, etc. I have faced disappointments as well, from all different areas of my life. It is not a phenomenon exclusive to you. As much as disappointment is an emotion triggered without your conscious undertaking, you can proactively deal with it in a conscious manner. As long as you learn how you address your disappointments properly and pick up from here, you can lead life the way it is meant to be led – in alignment with your passions and inner desires.

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