Admitting you made a mistake will earn you respect and speed up the fixing process. Having an ego solves nothing.
When your significant other ends the relationship, it can be a painful, lonely experience that makes you feel worthless and leaves you with a broken heart. Though it may not feel like you can get through this heartache, there are ways to cope that will see you through to the other side with a different perspective.
- Don’t hold out hope for a reunion. The sooner you accept that it is over, the faster you can heal. By hoping that your significant other will want you back, you are basically elongating the grief and setting yourself up for more disappointment. Too many times, a person will hold out for a reconciliation, only to find out that her significant other has started dating someone else. This type of situation only causes more pain and grief.
- Allow yourself to get emotional. It is never good for you to bottle up your emotions. If you are upset, have a good cry. If you are angry about the breakup, then show it (but don’t let your anger get the best of you by hurting yourself or others; instead, just scream or punch your pillow). You’d be surprised by how much better you can feel by releasing these emotions. Designate a time and place for this — but don’t let yourself emote 24/7 because you don’t want to end up drained either.
- Get rid of things that belong to or remind you of your ex. By doing this, you eliminate those things in your life that only make you think about your ex. The more you think about him/her, the more likely you are to think about the breakup and dwell on the pain you are feeling. If you can’t bear to part with these items — then put them into storage.
- Avoid contact with your ex. This basically falls on the same lines as getting rid of things that remind you of your ex. If after you have broken up you constantly call, talk to, or see your ex, it will only serve as a reminder of the failed relationship and cause you undue grief. So, try to have as little contact as possible with your ex. It may help you get over the loss.
- Make a list of things you didn’t like about your ex. This is a helpful method for folks who are finding it difficult to get over the end of a relationship. Jot down aspects about your ex that you didn’t like; such as habits, physical attributes, or personality features. The idea is to focus on the things you didn’t like and no longer have to deal with in order to better cope with the breakup. You may find that you feel a bit relieved that your ex is no longer around.
- Hang out with and talk to your friends. Your friends can be a wealth of moral support and can help you take your mind off the breakup. Have a powwow with some buddies and talk about your relationship woes. Round up some of your friends and go do something fun. You can have dinner, go on a shopping spree, take a weekend road trip, or whatever you consider a fun distraction.
- Stay busy. While you should deal with the issue, dwelling on the breakup may only just make you feel worse about the situation. If you find yourself thinking about it, then do something that will focus your mind on something else. This doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to turn into a workaholic. Simply putting a little extra effort into your work or taking up a new hobby should suffice.
- Go on a couple of dates when you’re ready. A common misconception when a person has been dumped is that they feel as though they won’t find someone else, which just isn’t true. Go on some dates. Not only can this prove to you that you can eventually find someone new, but it can also help you get over your ex and boost your ego. Just make sure that the dates remain casual for companionship only at this time.
- Don’t jump into another relationship. If you haven’t fully healed from the breakup, you may find yourself in an even worse relationship than the last. Rebound relationships hold a higher risk of someone getting hurt. Examples of such would be finding out that you aren’t as interested in the new person while he/she is completely into you, or being dumped again because you constantly talk about or compare the new person to your ex because you haven’t fully gotten over the breakup.
- Build up your ego. Being dumped can be a hit to the ego. You may begin to think that you were dumped because of something about you (e.g., I wasn’t good enough, I wasn’t pretty enough). Much of the time this is an incorrect assumption, so take the time to do activities that make you feel better about yourself and boost your ego. Go out and talk with some folks, start exercising or learn something new.
- It’s not uncommon for people to stop taking care of themselves after a relationship has ended. You may find that you aren’t sleeping as much or eating enough. Some folks may even start becoming more self-destructive by drinking alcohol more frequently, overeating or engaging in careless sexual activity. By doing these things, you may find your health declining, hurt yourself or others, or find yourself in a world of regret. Always make sure that you take care of yourself. Just because you are no longer in a relationship doesn’t mean you are any less important.
How to apologize to a friend?
If you are friends with someone long enough, you’ll probably have an occasion where you need to apologize. Perhaps you had a big blow up and realized later you reacted poorly. Or maybe you just didn’t show support when you needed to. Whatever the reason, apologizing can help you both heal and move on from the situation. Apologizing the right way, however, may take a little practice.
Saying You Are Sorry Can Help a Friendship.
Apologies benefit friendships in a variety of ways.
First, you acknowledge that you did something wrong, which is extremely powerful when it comes to friendship. With an apology you take responsibility for your actions, which allows your friend to forgive you. Without an apology, it can be difficult to move forward and make up after an argument.
Second, an apology gives you credibility as a friend. Sometimes our pals forgive us easily for the minor things we do wrong, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t still apologize. If you’re the type of person who immediately takes responsibility for what you did wrong, it shows that you have integrity and are a down-to-earth individual, which will gain you respect from friends and acquaintances.
Elements of an Apology :
The way you apologize is going to be slightly different depending on what the offense was, where it was done, and who you are apologizing to. In general, a good apology should consist of:
– A request for their attention. (“I wanted to talk to you about what went down at our dinner party the other night.”)
– An acknowledgment of what happened. (“I know I hurt your feelings when I said the salad was the worst I’d ever eaten.”)
– Sincerity in admitting you did something wrong. (“It was wrong of me to say that. You worked so hard on dinner and I had no right to try and diminish your wonderful meal.”)
– The words “I’m sorry” or “I apologize.” (“I’m truly sorry for that, Ava. You didn’t deserve that.”)
– Some humor to mend fences (optional, depending on the situation).(“Who am I to talk? I can’t even dial the phone for takeout half the time.”)
Things Never to Say When Apologizing :
Note that the art of apologizing involves taking responsibility. Never apologize as a way to “shut someone up” when they are saying you hurt their feelings and you don’t think you did. If you really believe you did nothing wrong, you should talk things through with your friend until you see why they are hurt or how you came across.
Avoid saying :
– “I’m sorry if I hurt you.” (If, in this case, means you do not take responsibility. The person you’re apologizing to knows you aren’t taking responsibility and the rift between you will continue to grow.)
– “I’m sorry you feel that way.” (Again, you’re not taking responsibility here, and instead belittling the hurt your friend feels. Instead of saying this, probe to find out more about why the person is upset.)
– “I’m sorry you think I did that.” (Even if your friend is mistaken about something you’ve done, discuss it further so you are both on the same page rather than make this statement.)
Never overreact. Overreacting only leaves an impression that you are not guilty of what you did and you do not mean it.
Allow Time For Your Friend to Forgive You :
The amount of time it takes your friend to forgive will depend on what happened, of course, but ideally if you sincerely apologize your pal should be able to put it behind you fairly quickly. Some offenses, however, take longer to get over. Respect that and give your friend time. You don’t need to beat yourself up over it after you apologize, because by acknowledging what you did you are also (perhaps silently) vowing to change.
Never ever disrespect them or hurt them again. Forgiving a person who hurt you is not a small thing. If you hurt them again when they are already hurt because of you, they will never have the heart of even listening to you again. So if you really feel you are guilty of something, you should let go your ego and anger in front of that person because you were already wrong and you shouldn’t repeat the same mistake again.
The point of apologizing for our goof ups is to help us grow as friends and do better the next time. Be a true human being.