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How To Deal With Being Dumped?

When your significant other ends the relationship, it can be a painful, lonely experience that makes you feel worthless and leaves you with a broken heart. Though it may not feel like you can get through this heartache, there are ways to cope that will see you through to the other side with a different perspective.

  1. Don’t hold out hope for a reunion. The sooner you accept that it is over, the faster you can heal. By hoping that your significant other will want you back, you are basically elongating the grief and setting yourself up for more disappointment. Too many times, a person will hold out for a reconciliation, only to find out that her significant other has started dating someone else. This type of situation only causes more pain and grief.
  2. Allow yourself to get emotional. It is never good for you to bottle up your emotions. If you are upset, have a good cry. If you are angry about the breakup, then show it (but don’t let your anger get the best of you by hurting yourself or others; instead, just scream or punch your pillow). You’d be surprised by how much better you can feel by releasing these emotions. Designate a time and place for this — but don’t let yourself emote 24/7 because you don’t want to end up drained either.
  3. Get rid of things that belong to or remind you of your ex. By doing this, you eliminate those things in your life that only make you think about your ex. The more you think about him/her, the more likely you are to think about the breakup and dwell on the pain you are feeling. If you can’t bear to part with these items — then put them into storage.
  4. Avoid contact with your ex. This basically falls on the same lines as getting rid of things that remind you of your ex. If after you have broken up you constantly call, talk to, or see your ex, it will only serve as a reminder of the failed relationship and cause you undue grief. So, try to have as little contact as possible with your ex. It may help you get over the loss.
  5. Make a list of things you didn’t like about your ex. This is a helpful method for folks who are finding it difficult to get over the end of a relationship. Jot down aspects about your ex that you didn’t like; such as habits, physical attributes, or personality features. The idea is to focus on the things you didn’t like and no longer have to deal with in order to better cope with the breakup. You may find that you feel a bit relieved that your ex is no longer around.
  6. Hang out with and talk to your friends. Your friends can be a wealth of moral support and can help you take your mind off the breakup. Have a powwow with some buddies and talk about your relationship woes. Round up some of your friends and go do something fun. You can have dinner, go on a shopping spree, take a weekend road trip, or whatever you consider a fun distraction.
  7. Stay busy. While you should deal with the issue, dwelling on the breakup may only just make you feel worse about the situation. If you find yourself thinking about it, then do something that will focus your mind on something else. This doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to turn into a workaholic. Simply putting a little extra effort into your work or taking up a new hobby should suffice.
  8. Go on a couple of dates when you’re ready. A common misconception when a person has been dumped is that they feel as though they won’t find someone else, which just isn’t true. Go on some dates. Not only can this prove to you that you can eventually find someone new, but it can also help you get over your ex and boost your ego. Just make sure that the dates remain casual for companionship only at this time.
  9. Don’t jump into another relationship. If you haven’t fully healed from the breakup, you may find yourself in an even worse relationship than the last. Rebound relationships hold a higher risk of someone getting hurt. Examples of such would be finding out that you aren’t as interested in the new person while he/she is completely into you, or being dumped again because you constantly talk about or compare the new person to your ex because you haven’t fully gotten over the breakup.
  10. Build up your ego. Being dumped can be a hit to the ego. You may begin to think that you were dumped because of something about you (e.g., I wasn’t good enough, I wasn’t pretty enough). Much of the time this is an incorrect assumption, so take the time to do activities that make you feel better about yourself and boost your ego. Go out and talk with some folks, start exercising or learn something new.
  11. It’s not uncommon for people to stop taking care of themselves after a relationship has ended. You may find that you aren’t sleeping as much or eating enough. Some folks may even start becoming more self-destructive by drinking alcohol more frequently, overeating or engaging in careless sexual activity. By doing these things, you may find your health declining, hurt yourself or others, or find yourself in a world of regret. Always make sure that you take care of yourself. Just because you are no longer in a relationship doesn’t mean you are any less important.

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How To Cope With Depression After A Break Up?

Break-ups can be devastating. It’s a rough transition from sharing every part of your life with someone, to picking up the phone and suddenly remembering you shouldn’t call them. The depression that comes after a break-up can feel so heavy and difficult that no one else can possibly understand what you are going through. But there are ways to cope with this feeling that don’t involve crying into a carton of ice cream. Here is a guide to coping with the depression after a break up.

1. Know this will take time. Especially if the relationship was long-term, this will be a difficult and probably a long process. Expect that, and give yourself as much time as you need to heal/recover.

2. Understand the emotions that you are feeling are normal and embrace them. Don’t beat yourself up – your feelings or anger/frustration and sadness are natural and normal.

Cry if you need to. Go ahead and cry, use a whole box of Kleenex and feel miserable for a while. It’s okay. You’re entitled. But eventually, you do need to pick yourself back up and move on. Life will go on, and believe it or not, so will you!

3. Hide everything that it is too difficult to see right now. Take everything that reminds you of your ex (pictures, letters, keepsakes) and put it all in a box. Then put the box someplace far away like high up in your closet. Don’t throw it away – you may regret it later. Just keep it stored someplace safe, but don’t keep re-reading and looking at it all right now and make yourself miserable. Just put it away for now and give yourself a break.

4. Try to keep a regular schedule as best as you can. It’s going to be hard at first, but you may have to force yourself to eat regular meals and sleep regularly. This too will take time, so be patient with yourself.

5. Try to get your mind off of it. Go out and do something you enjoy, like a hobby you have always loved, whether it’s biking or karate or drawing, playing guitar, etc. Make sure you are focusing on the activity and the joy that it brings you, thereby distracting yourself.

6. Enjoy spending time with the people who are still in your life. Spend lots of time with your friends and family during this time. They will be your support system as you deal with the aftermath of the break-up. Did you see some of these people much during the relationship? If the relationship was intense and long-term, chances are you have not seen some of your friends or maybe even family for months. Take time to spend quality time with them and do something fun.

Make sure your friends and family know what happened, and ask them to be a support system for you, to help you through this difficult time.

7. Accept the end of the relationship. Remember that the relationship happened for a reason, and nothing is ever wasted in life. Perhaps you learned a valuable lesson that you will be able to take with you into your next relationship and eventual marriage. Or perhaps you are only broken up for a short time and the relationship will be restored. Either way though, you must move on with your life.

Tips :

1. Don’t call/text the other person – give them space! In that time, he/she may realize what they are missing and want to get back together. Either way, you don’t want to look desperate by constantly calling/texting. That will only drive them further away.

2. Expect that the other person may call/text you and want to get back together, perhaps out of loneliness, but ask yourself if this is really what you want, or if you are ready to experience a healthier or better relationship.

3. No matter what you think right now, you will find someone new – there are so many people out there, and who knows if your Mr. or Ms. Right is just waiting to be found. It doesn’t seem like it now, but there are many others out there whom you would be compatible with. Someday you will meet someone else who is exciting/fun/wonderful, and believe it or not – your memories of your ex will soon fade.

4. Expect that it will take you a long time before you are ready to date again. Don’t jump into a relationship with the first cute guy/girl you meet, or you’ll be rebounding – and that’s not healthy for you or the new person. Give yourself time to heal and process what happened in a healthy way.

5. Just because you are experiencing a break-up does not mean that you are a terrible person or that you did anything wrong (or that the other person is bad, either). You are just not right for each other.

6. Given enough time, consider that you can still be on friendly terms / be friends with your ex. However, this may take months or even years, and will probably only occur after both of you have really moved on.

7. Getting a food you like (ice cream, cookies, etc) sometimes helps (especially for the ladies) – just don’t overdo it and gain a lot of weight – it’s not worth it!

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