Tag Archives: Skills

Forgiveness: Letting Go Of Grudges And Bitterness

When someone you care about hurts you, you can hold on to anger, resentment and thoughts of revenge — or embrace forgiveness and move forward.

Nearly everyone has been hurt by the actions or words of another. Perhaps your mother criticized your parenting skills, your colleague sabotaged a project or your partner had an affair. These wounds can leave you with lasting feelings of anger, bitterness or even vengeance — but if you don’t practice forgiveness, you might be the one who pays most dearly. By embracing forgiveness, you can also embrace peace, hope, gratitude and joy. Consider how forgiveness can lead you down the path of physical, emotional and spiritual well-being.

What is forgiveness?

Generally, forgiveness is a decision to let go of resentment and thoughts of revenge. The act that hurt or offended you might always remain a part of your life, but forgiveness can lessen its grip on you and help you focus on other, positive parts of your life. Forgiveness can even lead to feelings of understanding, empathy and compassion for the one who hurt you.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean that you deny the other person’s responsibility for hurting you, and it doesn’t minimize or justify the wrong. You can forgive the person without excusing the act. Forgiveness brings a kind of peace that helps you go on with life.

What are the benefits of forgiving someone?

Letting go of grudges and bitterness can make way for compassion, kindness and peace. Forgiveness can lead to:

• Healthier relationships
• Greater spiritual and psychological well-being
• Less anxiety, stress, and hostility
• Lower blood pressure
• Fewer symptoms of depression
• Lower risk of alcohol and substance abuse

Why is it so easy to hold a grudge?

When you’re hurt by someone you love and trust, you might become angry, sad or confused. If you dwell on hurtful events or situations, grudges filled with resentment, vengeance and hostility can take root. If you allow negative feelings to crowd out positive feelings, you might find yourself swallowed up by your own bitterness or sense of injustice.

What are the effects of holding a grudge?

If you’re unforgiving, you might pay the price repeatedly by bringing anger and bitterness into every relationship and new experience. Your life might become so wrapped up in the wrong that you can’t enjoy the present. You might become depressed or anxious. You might feel that your life lacks meaning or purpose, or that you’re at odds with your spiritual beliefs. You might lose valuable and enriching connectedness with others.

How do I reach a state of forgiveness?

Forgiveness is a commitment to a process of change. To begin, you might:

• Consider the value of forgiveness and its importance in your life at a given time
• Reflect on the facts of the situation, how you’ve reacted, and how this combination has affected your life, health and well-being
• When you’re ready, actively choose to forgive the person who’s offended you
• Move away from your role as victim and release the control and power the offending person and situation have had in your life

As you let go of grudges, you’ll no longer define your life by how you’ve been hurt. You might even find compassion and understanding.

What if I have to interact with the person who hurt me but I don’t want to?

If you haven’t reached a state of forgiveness, being near the person who hurts you might be tense and stressful. To handle these situations, remember that you can choose to attend or avoid specific functions and gatherings. Respect yourself and do what seems best. If you choose to attend, don’t be surprised by a certain amount of awkwardness and perhaps even more intense feelings. Do your best to keep an open heart and mind. You might find that the experience helps you to move forward with forgiveness.

What if the person I’m forgiving doesn’t change?

Getting another person to change his or her actions, behavior or words isn’t the point of forgiveness. Think of forgiveness more about how it can change your life — by bringing you peace, happiness, and emotional and spiritual healing. Forgiveness can take away the power the other person continues to wield in your life.

What if I’m the one who needs forgiveness?

The first step is to honestly assess and acknowledge the wrongs you’ve done and how those wrongs have affected others. At the same time, avoid judging yourself too harshly. You’re human, and you’ll make mistakes. If you’re truly sorry for something you’ve said or done, consider admitting it to those you’ve harmed. Speak of your sincere sorrow or regret, and specifically, ask for forgiveness — without making excuses. Remember, however, you can’t force someone to forgive you. Others need to move to forgiveness in their own time. Whatever the outcome, commit to treating others with compassion, empathy and respect.

Image

Ungrateful People: An Opinion.

How Do You Deal With The Ongoings Of Ungrateful People In Your Daily Life?

Ungrateful people are going to enter and exit your life, but it is up to you how you deal with their behaviors. The way I view these type of people is probably the way most of us feel, but I can only offer my opinion and experiences with people who lack the skills to be grateful for the blessings in their life. Maturity is a major issue with being ungrateful.

I do not believe that people intend to not show how thankful they are to be alive and receive what they have. When I encounter a person such as this, I do not embrace their selfishness and lack of understanding of being a thankful and appreciative person. I believe they give off their weakness, and I believe that it can be contagious to those around you. On the other aspect, that same weakness can disgust people that understand where those intentions of being ungrateful are coming from. The feeling eats me up inside when I am around an individual that does not realize how lucky they are for what they have in their life. It fades in and out for me, and, when I look back, I don’t like that person looking back at me.

The key to dealing with an ungrateful entity is to not embrace their selfishness. Step away from how they have made you feel when you have reached out to them with a gift or advice, even if they asked for that advice. Just because they are negative and somewhat egotistic, does not mean that you have to return the mood that they are illuminating.

I deal with these ungrateful beings by walking away with a smile on my face. If I don’t feel like smiling and walking away, I still stay polite and mature. They do not have to thank me. They also do not have to embrace me. Be the better person to not feed the reaction they are seeking from you by expelling their ungratefulness. Be kind, walk away, and be free.

Image

How To Develop Your Lateral Thinking Skills?

Lateral thinking is a special form of “thinking outside the box.” Technically it is a way of intentionally coming at a topic or problem from a different point of view. But it also is creative way of thinking you can develop as a background habit.

As with anything you want to do well, the more you practice lateral thinking, the better you will be at it.

1. Emulate lateral thinkers.

A major part of lateral thinking is experience, and the first step of experience is seeing it in action. However, most of us don’t notice when others are doing it. You have to pay attention and look for it. When someone comes up with surprising answers or seems to think differently from others, pay attention to what they say and do. You can ask them questions about how they come up with their answers, but even just noticing that they are doing it is the first step.

2. Study subjects you know nothing about, especially if they involve skills.

Part of lateral thinking is being able to get into another mindset. If you are used to numbers and spreadsheets, read about creative writing, or poets. If you are a poet you can benefit by reading about mathematicians and physicists. You don’t have to become one, but when you open your mind to just learn about how others think — what issues and problems and tools they use — you prepare your mind to think in different ways.

3. Practice your lateral thinking with creativity exercises.

Spend some time each week, or better yet each day, pushing your mental envelope.

Lateral thinking in particular is all about bringing together things that are seemingly unrelated. So start with a topic or problem, and then find random objects or words or concepts to relate to the topic. Or you can push the envelope of your thinking in other ways by making a list of things that are outlandish versions of the problem or issue – exaggerate it, make it bigger or smaller. If something is straightforward and objective, like making coffee, find moral and emotional issues related to it. Get ridiculous, get silly. The key here is, though, to get DIFFERENT.

Use very exercise you find, but also invent your own. You need both outside and inside input to think in a lateral way.

4. Look for ways to apply what you learn in everyday life.

Lateral thinking, like any skill, takes time to learn. And as with any skill, you learn more by applying it to real problems than you do by just doing exercises. After you get good at the exercises, start collecting issues and problems in your real life to start thinking laterally about, and set aside time to think about it. It could be anything from your need to find more time to spend with your kids, to how to decide who to vote for, to how to get a promotion or better job.

Image

Tips To Keep Your Mind Active

The brain is an organ and, as such, it requires oxygen and exercise, just like the heart and lungs. Feed your mind and you’ll feel emotionally and physically invigorated. It may be too soon to succumb to middle-aged worries about “using it or losing it,” or to start fretting about Alzheimer’s and other degenerative disease. Nonetheless, it’s still important to focus on keeping your brain in shape.

By regularly engaging in the right activities, you can increase your memory, improve your problem-solving skills and boost your creativity. Here are some tips on how to keep your mind active.

1. Do yoga.

You might be surprised at how strenuous yoga can be. Beyond the physical demands that give your entire body a workout, yoga has great calming and relaxation qualities.

Brain benefits: Yoga forces you to focus on controlling all your muscles and your breathing. You’ll let your worries slide away, giving your mind a rest from stress.

2. Play a game.

Challenge a colleague to a game of chess at lunch. Invite friends over for an evening of cards. Besides the social aspects, such activities will keep your mind active.

Brain benefits: You’ll use your memory and expand your powers of recall. You’ll also test your mathematical skills and logic.

3. Subscribe to a daily newsletter.

Whether it’s a “word of the day,” “quote of the day” or “this day in history” newsletter, receiving new information each day will add data to the hard drive in your head.

Brain benefits: The mental stimulation will increase your comprehension skills. The additional knowledge will also make you sound more worldly and intelligent. 

4. Grab the controller.

Believe it or not, playing certain video games really can be good for your health. The operative word here, however, is “certain” — choose games that involve strategy or problem solving.

Brain benefits: Problem solving and role-playing games will help you practice strategic planning. You’ll also improve your hand-eye coordination.

5. Build a model.

Remember the fun you had as a kid making model airplanes and cars? Recreate that by building a miniature model.

Brain benefits: Following all those written instructions sharpens your powers of concentration. Focusing on the task at hand will also be very relaxing.

6. Learn an instrument.

Pull out your old guitar, sign up for piano lessons or rent a trumpet or a clarinet. Learning how to make music will stimulate your creativity.

Brain benefits: Reading music provides mental stimulation. Playing an instrument requires powers of recall as well as concentration to maintain tune and tempo.

7. Do a crossword.

Stick The New York Times crossword puzzle in your briefcase, then get to work on it during your commute or while you’re waiting for an appointment or a meeting to begin.

Brain benefits: You’ll improve your cognitive skills and creative thinking as well as your word power and vocabulary.

8. Engage in a debate.

A lively discussion can be invigorating. As long as you avoid letting it digress into an argument, you can have a lot of fun debating the pros and cons of an issue with a friend or colleague.

Brain benefits: You’ll practice your quick-thinking skills, logic and creativity. Developing convincing theories on the spot will help you in your career and in your personal relationships. 

9. Read a book.

Choose from classic literature, science fiction or career-enhancing business books and give your brain a boost. Pick up a novel before your next business flight or vacation. On top of the cerebral benefits, the escapism that comes from reading can be very relaxing.

Brain benefits: Reading helps you exercise your cognitive skills and increase your vocabulary. Do it regularly and you’ll be amazed at the information you absorb, which will make you a more interesting conversationalist.

10. Take a course.

Learn something new. Sign up for a cooking class, register for martial arts training or enroll in a wine tasting seminar.

Brain benefits: You’ll be challenging yourself to absorb new concepts, information and ideas, and you’ll hone your retention skills through memorization.

11. Run.

Lace up your running shoes and get moving. Even if you never plan to run a marathon, it will get both your body and mind in shape.

Brain benefits: Running will increase the levels of oxygen in your brain and flowing through your body. In turn, your body will release more endorphin’s, which will make you feel energized while producing a sense of pleasure and well-being.

Keep your mental faculties in tip-top shape by giving yourself plenty of opportunities for mental stimulation. Use your cognitive skills, test your powers of recall, improve your memory, and challenge yourself to be more creative in your thinking. You’ll reap great brain-boosting benefits by keeping your mind active.

Image

Want To Get Happy? Detach From These Four Things.

Non-attachment is one of the most important skills you can master.
We easily get attached to things, people, situations, the past and the future.

However, these attachments are never healthy. Clinging onto anything is not a good habit to cultivate, although we all seem to go down that road at some point in our lives.

We often attach ourselves to the things that are making us happy at that moment, trying to hold onto them just so we can experience happiness longer. We worry about the odds of losing the happiness and we think that clinging to it would make it stay. And when things change – as they always do – we feel miserable and betrayed.

Knowingly or unknowingly, we attach ourselves to feelings of happiness and satisfaction, and identify ourselves with them. Because of this, we tend to dwell on the past or feel anxious about the future, failing to experience the joy of the present moment.

Once we stop clinging or trying to control the world around us, we allow the Universe to fulfill us in ways beyond our imagination. Letting go is necessary so we can allow the happiness to flood in.

Releasing attachments is not a one-time decision. It is a moment-to-moment choice and commitment, and it involves changing the way we interact with anyone and anything we used to get attached to in the past.

So how do you release your attachment? Here’s a few tips to set you free.

1) Releasing Attachment From People.

Quit depending on people when it comes to acknowledging your worth. Know your worthiness without needing other people’s approval. Don’t let others dictate how you feel about yourself.

Going alone sometimes is a good way of releasing your attachment from others. This will help you examine yourself as well as your passions and values.

Hold onto people lightly and understand that you, and just you, have the ability to feel loved, worthy and secure.

This can also be applied to romantic relationships. Understand that it takes two whole persons to be together, and you are never someone’s “other half”.

2) Releasing Attachment From The Past.

Whether you like it or not, you can never change what’s already happened – ever.

Holding onto what’s already gone is living your life based on fear. Instead of focusing on what has happened or what didn’t happen, focus on whatever is happening right now. At this very moment.

This is the only moment you have control over – the now. Make peace with your past and realize that whatever happened had to happen, so the you right now can emerge. When you look back, you’ll see that the sequence of events had unfolded perfectly, for your own personal growth.

3) Releasing Attachment From The Future.

You cannot find happiness and contentment in the future, because the only real thing is the present moment – and this is all you’re experiencing right now.

There is no need to know what the future will hold. The only thing you need to realize is that your future is hinged on how you will use the present moment.

4) Releasing Attachment From Feelings And Emotions.

This goes to both positive and negative emotions. Most of us are attached to feelings of happiness and the feelings of regret. We tend to forget that all of these are just passing emotions. Identifying ourselves with our feelings and emotions make us prisoners of our own minds.

To release your mind, notice when you’re overwhelmed with an emotion, and then take a pause. Observe your feelings and take a few deep breaths while telling yourself: “This is just an emotion, it does not define who I am.” You’ll notice the overwhelming feeling melting away.

The practice of releasing attachments may be difficult, but only because we have accepted our attachments as part of our lives, believing it is in accordance with the society.

You can break free from this notion and release whatever is binding you to all these dramas. Not getting attached to anyone or anything is important in order to bring harmony to our relationships with other people and most importantly, with ourselves.

Image

Dare To Be Yourself

Being yourself means respecting your own decision, doing what feels natural to you and staying true to your heart. It is a first step towards realizing your personal growth.

Respect others as much as you respect yourself. Learn the good skills and habits from them but never try to imitate anyone. Each person has different priorities and experiences in life, there is no one else who wants to achieve exactly the same thing as you do. Imitation implies that you have lost your dignity, and you are not liking something about yourself.

Hence figure out what you like and dislike about yourself. The thing you like is already part of yourself. The thing you dislike about yourself is a limitations which are blocking your way to be yourself.

Some limitations like color, height etc. can not be removed and you will have to live with them. But some limitations like a pimply face, overweight, lack of confidence, hesitation etc. can be removed. But it is also true that you can not remove it overnight. You have to continuously work on it until it gets completely removed.

Finally by removing your limitations, which you can remove, you will not only improve your dignity but also cover up those limitations which can not be removed. As a result, you will enhance your self respect, start doing things which you like and above all you will be yourself.

Image