Tag Archives: Trust

Forgiveness: Letting Go Of Grudges And Bitterness

When someone you care about hurts you, you can hold on to anger, resentment and thoughts of revenge — or embrace forgiveness and move forward.

Nearly everyone has been hurt by the actions or words of another. Perhaps your mother criticized your parenting skills, your colleague sabotaged a project or your partner had an affair. These wounds can leave you with lasting feelings of anger, bitterness or even vengeance — but if you don’t practice forgiveness, you might be the one who pays most dearly. By embracing forgiveness, you can also embrace peace, hope, gratitude and joy. Consider how forgiveness can lead you down the path of physical, emotional and spiritual well-being.

What is forgiveness?

Generally, forgiveness is a decision to let go of resentment and thoughts of revenge. The act that hurt or offended you might always remain a part of your life, but forgiveness can lessen its grip on you and help you focus on other, positive parts of your life. Forgiveness can even lead to feelings of understanding, empathy and compassion for the one who hurt you.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean that you deny the other person’s responsibility for hurting you, and it doesn’t minimize or justify the wrong. You can forgive the person without excusing the act. Forgiveness brings a kind of peace that helps you go on with life.

What are the benefits of forgiving someone?

Letting go of grudges and bitterness can make way for compassion, kindness and peace. Forgiveness can lead to:

• Healthier relationships
• Greater spiritual and psychological well-being
• Less anxiety, stress, and hostility
• Lower blood pressure
• Fewer symptoms of depression
• Lower risk of alcohol and substance abuse

Why is it so easy to hold a grudge?

When you’re hurt by someone you love and trust, you might become angry, sad or confused. If you dwell on hurtful events or situations, grudges filled with resentment, vengeance and hostility can take root. If you allow negative feelings to crowd out positive feelings, you might find yourself swallowed up by your own bitterness or sense of injustice.

What are the effects of holding a grudge?

If you’re unforgiving, you might pay the price repeatedly by bringing anger and bitterness into every relationship and new experience. Your life might become so wrapped up in the wrong that you can’t enjoy the present. You might become depressed or anxious. You might feel that your life lacks meaning or purpose, or that you’re at odds with your spiritual beliefs. You might lose valuable and enriching connectedness with others.

How do I reach a state of forgiveness?

Forgiveness is a commitment to a process of change. To begin, you might:

• Consider the value of forgiveness and its importance in your life at a given time
• Reflect on the facts of the situation, how you’ve reacted, and how this combination has affected your life, health and well-being
• When you’re ready, actively choose to forgive the person who’s offended you
• Move away from your role as victim and release the control and power the offending person and situation have had in your life

As you let go of grudges, you’ll no longer define your life by how you’ve been hurt. You might even find compassion and understanding.

What if I have to interact with the person who hurt me but I don’t want to?

If you haven’t reached a state of forgiveness, being near the person who hurts you might be tense and stressful. To handle these situations, remember that you can choose to attend or avoid specific functions and gatherings. Respect yourself and do what seems best. If you choose to attend, don’t be surprised by a certain amount of awkwardness and perhaps even more intense feelings. Do your best to keep an open heart and mind. You might find that the experience helps you to move forward with forgiveness.

What if the person I’m forgiving doesn’t change?

Getting another person to change his or her actions, behavior or words isn’t the point of forgiveness. Think of forgiveness more about how it can change your life — by bringing you peace, happiness, and emotional and spiritual healing. Forgiveness can take away the power the other person continues to wield in your life.

What if I’m the one who needs forgiveness?

The first step is to honestly assess and acknowledge the wrongs you’ve done and how those wrongs have affected others. At the same time, avoid judging yourself too harshly. You’re human, and you’ll make mistakes. If you’re truly sorry for something you’ve said or done, consider admitting it to those you’ve harmed. Speak of your sincere sorrow or regret, and specifically, ask for forgiveness — without making excuses. Remember, however, you can’t force someone to forgive you. Others need to move to forgiveness in their own time. Whatever the outcome, commit to treating others with compassion, empathy and respect.

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How To Open Your Heart?

The act of opening your heart is a bond of trust. It is the act of sharing the whims of the heart. You trust that you are being listened to and that the person has an honest response. Opening your heart is not about good reception or making things better, it’s about making yourself understood.

  1. It’s not about you. You know yourself, your heart and your love, they don‘t. The first thing you need to know about opening your heart is that you don’t do it for yourself. Don’t expect a particular outcome; the truth is your goal.
  2. Groundwork. You need to ensure that you are being listened to. When you open up to another person about your love, make sure that you have their total attention, make sure they are listening to you. Miscommunication is a pointless pain.
  3. Be honest, even if you don’t know what you feel or want. If they care, they will help you sort through whatever mess your heart is in.
  4. Ask for honesty. Show your expectation of mutual trust.
  5. Whatever happens, walk away with pride knowing you honored yourself, your feelings, and your relationship with the other person. Nothing is beautiful as honest love.

Warnings:

  • Do it for them, not yourself.
  • Don’t expect anything, but the truth.
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How To Ignore Pain And Feelings?

Pain and emotions are just thoughts triggered in your head that seem too strong to overcome. When confronted with these senses or thoughts, one usually has little control over his or her action in the following sequences. Many can suppress emotions and try to hide pain, but with a controlled thought and strong will, both can be ignored completely up to a certain level. It doesn’t make you invulnerable, but it makes you more durable or less fearful. The feeling is a cold one and shouldn’t be taken on by those with a weak mind, body, or soul.

  1. Know the pros. Everybody has natural (and necessary) mechanisms for ignoring pain and negative feelings. The harder thing to do is to let yourself feel the feelings fully, when you are ready, and deal with them. However, at times it can be important to ignore them for some time. For example, when they are too powerful for you to deal with, and you are not ready, when they interfere with a strong need, such as the need for survival, to work for money, to negotiate a tough situation with people who cannot support you with your feelings, or to protect yourself from temporary hazards.
  2. Know the cons. Read the warnings below. Hiding your feelings can delay your progress, can inhibit healthy communication and trust.
  3. Control your anger. Before anything else, the key is anger. As anger builds in you, it can be used to help block off thinking. Try to concentrate to be angry and to push it down.
  4. Stop feeling whatever it is If you wish to live with no sorrow, after you can control your anger well enough, begin to talk yourself out of sadness; to just not care. This is the next step in learning – to not lose yourself in emotions and feelings. Try to stop caring and say “I control my life.” Be bold, be strong. Try push it out of your head. Things wont bother you if you wont let them.
  5. Distract yourself. Just don’t sit alone thinking about it! Know that whatever you are feeling is silly compared to other things.
  6. Block out mental stresses and pain for physical pain. This system is a bit different because now you must endure before you can truly leave behind physical pain. This doesn’t mean you have to cut yourself. You just have to accept the feeling of pain when you’re hurt. Find a sparring partner, a close friend perhaps, preferably someone bigger.
  7. Focus. Now you must realize a truth in life. It’s a truth that you will need to focus on. All your feelings come from thoughts and impulses in your head that tell you something is wrong or right, like a burn or a tickle. What you must do is realize that with enough pushing and controlled thought, you can change wrong to right, sorrow into happiness, etc. With pain, all you do is tell yourself it doesn’t hurt. It seems simple, but is harder than one can truly imagine.
  8. Find help from inspirational quotes. Try to look up inspiring quotes on Google. Try listening to songs that have strong lyrics.
  9. Know that you won’t always be hurting. Sooner or later, you’ll find light at the end of the tunnel.

Tips:

  • Also, for the first and second steps, it might seem as though there isn’t a lot of description to it. That is because only your own mind and way of thinking can judge how long it takes and how you must go about following those steps.
  • Don’t be overconfident. Don’t try to breeze through such a drastic change in your life. Be safe about how you do this – no cutting, stabbing, or poking yourself intentionally. Life is full of pain and all you need to do is wait for it.
  • Remember: it’s only temporary. It will be over soon, as emotions don’t stick with you for your whole life.
  • Think of something great in your life. Like a lover or a great accomplishment. Feel the emotion you feel through such times and forget about the bad.

Warnings:

  • Your emotions will still be there, and will still affect you but in strange and unconscious ways, making it difficult for you to do anything about them. The psychological term for this is dissociation, and the consequences are serious. Read up on dissociation disorders before you even consider this.
  • Do not think only about yourself; think about the other people you will hurt, such as your loved ones.
  • Whatever you are suffering, whoever you are, there are people who care and who can help you, whether it is someone you know or a stranger at a crisis center. Reaching out to them for help and dealing with your problems will make you so much stronger than trying to ignore your pain.

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Accepting Who You Are And Learning To Love Being Alone Are Essential To A Happy Life

Over the course of time, you will learn that many people you thought would always be there will soon disappear. You will be let down time and time again, and eventually discover that the only constant in life is change.

With each passing day, people begin new relationships, while others end old ones. There are relationships that end well, and there are relationships that end poorly, with contrasting emotions leading the way. Some of these relationships will be major turning points in your life; some of them might either completely destroy you, or save you.

Putting trust into a person and giving them your dedication is one of the scariest things in life. Devoting your time and emotions, revealing your most personal qualities and background, and believing that this one person will not betray you or shame you for any of it, is a courageous step to take.

One secret could define your friendship; one mistake could end it all. It takes years to build trust and seconds to break it. The reason forming a relationship with someone and building the foundation for that relationship is so difficult is because once we have been hurt, we will never forget that pain – no matter what.

I have watched many of my own personal relationships come to a halting close. New chapters in my life have been slowly written time and time again. My social circle went from many, to a few that are worthy of my trust and loyalty. It took numerous occasions and difficult realizations for me to learn to accept the things that have happened in my life, and to accept what it is now for what it is.

Accepting who I used to be and the mistakes I made as that person, and not letting those mistakes define who I am today. Forgiving those who hurt me and who affected my life in negative ways. They were all fears to conquer, but I overcame them with perseverance. These were the first steps to my salvation.

The next step was realizing that it is okay to be alone. Growing up, if I did not have something to do on a Friday or Saturday night, I was blasting “I’m Just a Kid” by Simple Plan, crying in the dark and cursing off every single person that didn’t ask me to hang out. I’m happy to say that I’ve come a long way since then, and I have learned to appreciate solitude. Sitting in the middle of the ocean on a surf board and just letting the waves take me away, or sitting in a field alone and looking at the stars for long periods of time, are some of my favorites thing to do in the world.

“I think it’s very healthy to spend time alone. You need to know how to be alone and not be defined by another person.” – Oscar Wilde.

I have also realized that getting lost in thoughts and in physicality is a beautiful thing. Over the years, I have learned that losing yourself and finding your way back makes the experience that much better. No matter what age you are, when you have a problem, or what that problem is, just go for a walk or drive and get lost. You will have sorted out your mind and troubles by the time you find your way back.

There is no better time than now for you to allow yourself to be happy. It is time to embrace yourself and all that you have to offer. Be alone; give yourself the chance to learn about yourself, expand your soul and allow yourself to grow. Enable each chapter of your life to help you become a better you. Press forward, putting one foot in front of the other, until you are finally so overwhelmingly confident that you can look back, and see that you have climbed mountains.

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